Life — February 5, 1885 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: By the way HE late Lord Mayor of London entertained 6,500 guests at dinner last year. And yet they claim that the Free Lunch table is an ele- ment peculiar to American politics. . . . OW that another explosion has taken place in London we see the wisdom of placing extra sentries on guard at the Tower. It must have been comforting to the. British heart when the Tower was blown up that some one went along with it to see that it got back all right. . . . =f Fin Tichborne Claimant offered to lease himself to Barnum for a term of years but was declined with thanks. We advise him to pack himself carefully away in camphor until the next Presidential election, when men of his claiming peculiarities will be in demand. . . . MR. VANCE, of Kentucky, claims to have killed thirty partridges at one shot with a rifle. Mr. Vance should go to Congress ! * . * IMPORTANT TO TAILORS. MERICAN asbestos, it has been discovered, is less fire-proof than the foreign article. As this is the season when mortality is almost at its high- est point we deem it well to give the above notice. . . + GENTLEMAN whose face has frequently been seen in the caricatures of our esteemed contemporary, Puck, was enabled thereby to have a cheque cashed in a country bank, where but for the cartoons, identification would have been impossible. It would be interesting to know whether Mr. Holman has found the New York Sun equally serviceable ! . . . R. EVARTS is reported to have received pay for an opinion at the rate of $566 per word. The Senator is almost as expensive a luxury as a cable message or a prima donna. . . . “ ONEY,” says an exchange, “is made by the head, not by the hands.” And yet, in another column, the same paper announces that Dr. Carver made $20,000 by his “* shooting feat.” . . . i Dias Boston Journal says that a man who has lived in Boston for forty years can never be contented elsewhere. Probably not. So many common people get to Heaven now-a-days. ‘ . . GERMAN scientist has counted the hairs on his wife's head, and quotes her at 128,000 to the inch. We do n't see how he could tell which was switch. A PARLOR DRAMA. AcT 1.—Time indefinite. ~HEY stroll beneath the chandelier, its lamps are gayly lighted ; A blush, a smile, some whispered words, and thus their troth is plighted. ¥ Act Il,—Some days later. They pass beneath the chandelier, its lamps beam softly lighted ; 6 A jealous frown, a haughty glance, and thus their hopes are blighted. Act IIl.-—Four weeks after. They meet beneath the chandelier, its lamps glow brightly lighted ; A pleading look, a starting tear, and thus their wrongs are righted. AcT IV.—Séx months elapse. They stand beneath the chandelier, ‘mid flowers its lamps swing lighted ; A parson, ring, the sweet ‘I do,” and thus they are united. M.C. H. SECOND LETTER FROM HELL. ¢ Shady Side, Styx. wg ARLYLE has just fi Y) told me of the op- portunity you offer for an epistolary ex- tension of earthly existence. The burning ques- tion with me just now (if all questions may not be said to be burning here) is that of those silly letters to my wife. You know my early days were most un- happy. I married, as most literary men do, not for love, but for the satisfaction of my imagination, and when the imagin- ation evaporated, it left a residuum of delicate nerves touched up with temper; that was my wife. The explanation of those letters lies in the fact that I was obliged to suit them to her understanding and at the same time satisfy her yearning for bald affection. When I came here I expected to meet her, but I was told that I had only been sentenced to Purgatory. I have been annoyed since my arrival here by the critics who still walk the earth. There's Matthew Arnold, for instance, of whom it is said that he brings “light” everywhere he goes (except Boston, where I understand even he only cast a shadow); he is ex- pected here shortly. There has been a petition signed by all the churchmen in England, except Dean Stanley, requesting comicbooks.com