Life — February 5, 1885 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PRS Av NLL AT SESORS AT iLL CENE on a railway platform at at Heidelberg. Traveler to university studen! Sir, you are crowding ; keep back, sir.” U.S. (fiercely}—‘ Don’t you like it ? Allow me to tell you that I am at your service at any time and place.” Traveler (benignantly)—" Ah, indeed, that is very kind of you. Just carry this satchel for me to the hotel.” — 7id: Bits. THE STUDENT'S ANSWER. A stuDENT undergoing examination in the principles of mechanics, was asked : y will not a pin stand on its point ?” He returned the following answer : “In the first place, a point is defined by Euclid as that which hath no parts, and no magnitude, and how can a pin stand on that which hath no parts and no magnitude? In the second place, a pin will not stand on its head, much less, thererefore, will it stand on its point. Thirdly, and lastly, it will if you stick it in hard enough." — 7id- Bits. Scene in the Chinese war: Captain of Iron-clad (to artillery- man)—*' Do you see that Chinese general there, about three miles off? Let him have one of these eight-inch shells in the eye.” Artilleryman (equal to the situation)—ay, ay, sir. Which eye, your honor.—From the French. Tue Boston Globe says ‘a pretty stocking never looks better than when hung up for Christmas presents.” This is rather rough on the Boston girls. 83 Sue—* What are you thinking of 2” He—" Nothing.” She —' Egotist !"—Fliegende Blaster. A ROBUST-LOOKING gentleman, who was recently convicted of having paid a domiciliary visit to a house on Dearborn Avenue, Chicago, during the silence of the night, ond having taken away with him a few valuables, was brought up for sentence: “Have you anything to offer tbe court before sentence is passed ?” asked the judge. “*No, your honor,” replied the prisoner, My lawyer took the last d—d cent."— Wasp, “ Loox here !" said a man pressing his face against the gates of the cit) pce and addressing a policeman who stood outside. “Well?” What was I put in here for, anyway ?” ‘ou'll find out when the Police Court meets.” “* Podner, I am a sensitive man, and the thought that I have committed acrime haunts me. I just tell you what's a fact, I can’t stand it. What did I do?” “Well, if you must know, you got drunk and shot a man.” Oh, is that all! I was afraid that I had insulted some one. Much obliged." — Wasp. THE St. Paul Pioneer Press advertised for a boy at two dollars a week, and received two hundred and fifty answers, There seems to have been a sort of competitive examination, or adoption of civil service rules in selecting a boy, and the one who wrote the following letter was selected: “* Mr. P., Pioneer Press: I want the Job my folces is not rich & I hev got to russell. They are ded. It betes hel how hard times isi am 14 & kin do chores I look good with new clothes on i wold like to get a good place in your offis I kin learn fast.” HE PUBLISHERS OF LIF OFFER UNUSUAL ADVANTAGES TO THOSE WHO PROPOSE ISSUING ILLUST RATED Books, PAMPHLETS, CATALOGUES, CIRCULARS, ETC., AND WHO DESIRE WORK OF AN ARTISTIC ORDER. ESTIMATES GIVEN, AND BOTH TEXT AND ILLUSTRATIONS FURNISHED IF DESIRED. HENRY HOLT &CO.,N. Y. HAVE READY: THE CIVIL SERVICE IN THE UNITED STATES. [From the Reports of 1884.] Containing a Catalogue of all non-Elective Posi- tions, with the Compensation of each, and full . information in. regard to the Opes Competitive Examinations under the act of 1883; also a De- Ol e seri of the Civil Service of the ‘Seater of New York, Massachusetts and their Municipalities, under recent laws. By Jon. M. Comstock, Chairman of the. United States Board of Ex: aminers for the Customs Service in New York City, Large ramo, $2 00. Cashmere Bouquet JACQUES KRAKAUER, Lapies Tatton ax Hasrr Maxar, 29 E. aust St., N. Y.,and Belleune Ave., Newport. Would respectfully an nounce to the Ladies that he will make SPECIALLY LOW PRICES, from date to February 15th, in order to keep his large force of specialists fully em- ployed. N. B.—This announce- ment is strictly limited to the period named. Special attention paid to (all orders sent by mil A. perfect fit guaranteed without personal attend> *& _ance. Soap. Send four cents in stamps to Colgate & Co., N. Y., for sample cake. “The Best Practical Art Magazine" Is The Art Amateur, which gives, monthly, from 72.0, 44 folio pages of working designs (with full instructions), illustrations and information relating to decorative and pictorial art. Invaluable to ama- teur artists. Ho: Decoratton & Furnisninc. Ade ree.) Instruction in China, Oil and Water-color Painting, Wood-carving, Etching, Dress,&c. Art Needlework Designs from the Royal Scheel, South Kensington, a specialty. The Art Amateur includes amon, tributors Theodore Child, Clarence Cook. trahan, Roger Riordan, Camille Piten, Bean man, Louise McLaughlin, Constance C, Harrison and Mary Gay Humphreys. Subseription, $4.00 a Specimen copy’ a5 cents, ¢/1 mentioned, MONTAGUE MARKS, Pebdlisher, 28 Union Square; N. Y. (Expert its con. ard 5 cents a number, is advertisement is THE Cavanagh, Sanford & Co., Merchant Tailors and Importers, 16 West 23d STREET, Opposite sth Ave, Hotel, MAKERS OF PAJAMAS AND iC) #§ THE GENUINE FRANK B. CONVERSE THE FRANK B. CONVERSE Banjo Instruction and Salesroom, 6: West 42d Street, New York. OUR SPECIALTIES. Ricuty Bouxp ano Ittusteate Girt Books STANDARD AND MisceLtangous LrTRRATURE. | Srarionzny ror Faswionaste Soctery. Weppinc, Recerrion axp_Visitinc Carps. | Pictorial Encravinc on Sta. PLates. GEO. R. LOCKWOOD & SON, Publishers, Booksellers, Stationers & Engravers, 812 Broadway, New York. NEW YORK. SHIRT UNDERWEAR. comicbooks.com