Life — January 15, 1885 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NOTES FROM THECAPITAL. | (From Our Special Congressman.) “Te Bureau of Information is | overrun by Members of Con- % : | gress who desire to know in what | part of Africa Nicaragua is situated. A CARLOAD of candidates for the Speakership arrived | in town last evening from Ohio. ON. RICHELIEU ROBINSON, of Brooklyn, arrived at the Poor House this morning where he intends to remain during the session. The Congressman says that he found the walking good except in New Jersey, where the in- habitants have a constitutional disliking for the simplicity of the tramp. Mr. Robinson states that he intends drawing up a bill compelling Cleveland to be inaugurated in an old white FIRST AID TO THE INJURED. LECTURE IX.—FALLS AND FRACTURES. “ORE givin; simple rules for the treatment of persons injured by falling down, I willexplain the way B in which such accidents generally occur. Falls are of many different sorts—there are in fact, about two hundred separate styles, not counting Niagara Falls or any kind of catarac However, they may all be classified under two great divisions : the “flip” and “ flop.” The first includes plunges and trip-ups. For example: You sometimes. see a pedestrian suddenly dive forward and press his hat- byim against the sidewalk as if he was trying his best to look through one of the cracks between the flag-stones. This isa When a man “flops,” he merely attempts to kick his fore- head with both feet at once, and incidentally sits down on the cold, cold stones. One in this position should first find out whether it was earthquake or not, and then quickly arise and borrow a pin from the nearest bystander. Pins are sometimes exceedingly useful. If a man is really badly injured by a fall—fractured skull or anything of a serious nature—procure immediate medical assistance and do n'f try to get an ambulance. To order an ambulance you have to get some one who can find a police- man who can examine the patient and, if he deems it neces- sary, then go to a signal-box and send a call to a hospital that has only one ambulance which is down at the Battery | beaver hat and greet gguian umbrella, as befits Republican simplicity. . . . HERE is a rumor abroad that Mr. Cleveland intends putting the Treasury Portfolio in a hat along with several blanks and allowing the present candidates for the position to draw lots for it. Ben Butler is debarred from the contest because Mr. Cleveland fears that he can see around the brim of the hat, owing to the peculiarity of his celebrated optic, and know which slip to take. Furthermore he is some- what fearful lest Mr. B. should not be content with the Portfolio but would walk off with the Treasury itself in the bargain. . . . ENATOR VEST has been making himself conspicuous by his uncompromising opposition to the unspoken speeches in the Congressional Record. Members of Congress who have found printers and proof-readers of inestimable value in convincing their constituents that they are roaring orators are getting up a memorial in regard to Mr. Vest, re- questing his constituents to pull him down. I once knew a man who fell and broke his leg, and an ambu- lance was sent for immediately. His limb was set, and after months of careful nursing he was convalescent and could walk on crutches. The first thing that that conscientious fel- low did was to stump down the avenue in order to meet the | ambulance half way and tell the surgeon it was not needed, thus sparing the ambulance gong much unnecessary fatigue. His effort was needless, however—the ambulance had n't started for him yet, and he had the extra trouble of writing them by post to countermand the order. If you see a man fall in the street, always do as follows: 1. Never offer to help him up, but grin and say jocularly : “Guess you dropped something, didn’t you ?” 2. If he tells you he is “ all broke up” never try to mend matters by putting any glue on him. Recipients of kindness. are proverbially ungrateful, and he would probably be so * stuck up,” he would n't speak to you. 3. Should you slip on a fruit-skin and fall, in order to pre- of the vocal cords and relieve the feelings, pro- nounce a series of vocal sounds, thus : “ Amn at anana eel!" This affords immediate though temporary relief. 4. Always remember that there is a difference between a man’s leg and a bank, There is generally a run on a bank after it’s “broken”; but after a man’s leg is broken it's im- possible to run on it, CARLSBAD. “ Now your talk has the true ring,” said the girl to her lover, when he began to speak of a diamond circlet. PERPETUAL MOTION—To adjourn. comicbooks.com