Life, 1885-01-08 · page 10 of 16
Life — January 8, 1885 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "The Educated Miss" - A Satirical Poem This page features a humorous satirical poem mocking the newly educated young woman of the era. The target is the "Vassar girl"—a graduate of the prestigious women's college—portrayed as intellectually pretentious yet fundamentally shallow. The satire works through exaggeration: she displays her education ostentatiously ("parades with ostentation"), discusses transcendental philosophy and geology, yet reduces her knowledge to parlor tricks and affected behavior. The joke culminates in stanza IV, where despite all her learning in quadratics and higher mathematics, she reverts to asking for butter—the ultimate deflation of her intellectual pretensions. The poem reflects late-19th-century anxieties about women's education, suggesting that female college graduates were impractical, affected, and ultimately unchanged in their fundamental domestic role. The left column discusses patriotic songs, creating an ironic juxtaposition between genuinely moving cultural works and this trivial "educated" figure.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
24 SONGS THAT HAVE MOVED NATIONS. NDER the above heading has been written an enter- taining article, mainly statistical, concerning _ many of our popular hymns and Na- tional Ballads. The writer of the article seems to have been a very well in- formed person and in view of this fact it is perhaps sur- prising that many of our most mov- ing songs have been omitted. For instance, no mention is made of the moving effect of Pinafore upon the lovers and haters of music alike of this present day. We feel confident that were nations and con- tinents movable in this age there can be no reasonable doubt that they would get up and move at the sound of the inspiring strains of Gilbert and Sullivan’s first attempt. Then there is “ Sweet Violets.” Of this it may truly be said that it does n’t move a nation all at once but it does much to disintegrate the nation bit by bit until the movement will be the thing of a moment. If under the principle of Louis XIV. that the state is the individual and wéce versa, man may regard himself as a two-footed nation, then Sweet Violets certainly deserves mention, for it has came under our own personal observation that at least two dozen able-bodied nations have taken to their heels upon hearing the melodious measures of this song doled out by an Italian crank. “Let Me Dream Again,” as a cornet solo, has caused many an exodus from populous boarding houses having unusual attractions in the shape of souvenirs neatly served with entrees and exceedingly mature butter. And when a song can con- tend against such odds is it not strange that all mention of it should have been omitted from the article in question ? “Silver Threads” and “ Bottle’s Empty” have moved countless thousands to bloody deeds, and a melodious tune sung soft and low by some unhappy cat, equally soft and equally low, hidden darkly in the cloak of night, has moved such inanimate objects as boot-jacks, soap and other articles of vertu from their accustomed places and caused them to fly forth into the starry night, not to stop until they have quieted the tuneful muser. And yet they are totally ignored ! We venture to ask why this is thus and to enter a plea in behalf of these ancient and honorable tunes which have now reached the age when they are unable to fight their own battles. ARE conductors subject to horse-car buncles. LIE THE EDUCATED MISS. I. HE’ S a dainty little maiden With artistic graces laden, Quite aware of her attractions and rejoicing in her teens; She parades with ostentation All her Vassar education, With a reminiscent flavoring of culture and of beans. Il. With suggestions by the legion, She can scale the airy region Where the transcendental fantasies in gay disorder float ; With a langour rare and queenly, She can voyage most serenely Through the hazy sublimation of the misty and remote. Ill. She can read the rocky pages Of the geologic ages When the mighty megotherium was sleeping in its lair ; With features bright and smiling She is often most beguiling With medieval narratives of knight and “ ladye faire.” Iv. She is often entertaining When most learnedly explaining How the philosophic systems ina measure disagree. She is posted in quadratics, And the higher mathematics, And can ask you for the butter in the language of “ Paree.” Vv. She ’s an educated daisy, And could run a fellow crazy With a stock of information too enormous to rehearse ; She brought away from college Such immeasurable knowledge Of the correlated members ol the whizzing universe. vi. Still, I hope this gentle maiden, With such erudition laden And so eminently fitted with philosophers to cope, Yet may manage to discover Something worthy in a lover All intent upon the making of a merchantable soap. ACCORDING to the doctrine of the Survival of the Fittest, the last man will undoubtedly be a tailor. HAPPINESS is possible until fifteen; Contentment is our god until five-and-twenty ; and after that let us pray for res- ignation. comicbooks.com