Life — December 25, 1884 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

R. DEPEW declines to take a hand in piloting the Ship of State. It is more profitable to steer the railroads of Vanderbilt. * * * WASHINGTON dispatch states that thieves broke into Mr. Secor Robeson’s dwelling, and stole $500 worth of jewelry. Is it possible there is no honor among them, after all ? * * * OST, STRAYED OR STOLEN, somewhere between France and China, a small red war. Of no value to anyone but owners, The finder will be liberally rewarded by leaving same where he found it. M, JULES FERRY, J. HonG Kono TSENG, i Owners; + . * HE State Board of Health claim to have “ their eye on the cholera.” Is this the much-talked-of cholera scare? . . . F Mr. Evarts goes to the Senate, he should be given two terms at once, so that he may be able to finish the open- ing sentence of his first Senatorial speech. . . * Bes silk hose for fire companies are not in vogue this | season, * * * CONTEMPORARY, in discussing the Senatorial ques- tion, says, * Mr. Warren, Mr. Miller and Gen. Sharpe put their heads together.” Happy idea! They may be able altogether to make one head big enough for the position. . * . SOLILOQUY FOR CONGRESSIONAL ASPIRANTS. O be or not to’be, that is the question ! Whether 't is better to be a big man in homely ways That sling great boodle and outrageous fortunes, Or smallest of the small, Where moth and rust corrupt, And thieves need not break through ! The land-grants and thousand natural rocks That Congress is heir to! And appropriations Devoutly to be wished! To lic—to vote. To vote! Perchance to scheme! Ay, there's the rub, For in the scheme what wealth for votes may come? When we have shuffied off these mortal spoils ! Oh, give us paws! There's the respect That makes calamity of so few hands, REPARTEE, ae HEY were lunching, one day, In a handsome café, And she happened to say, As she noticed the way That he and ice-cream were in unity, “(Can you eat ice-cream with impunity ?” And he made the reply, With a wink of the eye, “No, but I can with a spoon.” But her triumph came soon ; As they left the saloon, He gave her a good opportunity : “ And now, Bessie, dear, As the weather is clear, Can you take a walk with impunity ?” Her smile was as bright as the moon, And deliciously shy Came the mocking reply, “No, but I can with a spoon,” Ben Woop Davis. THE IDEAL MAN'S DRESS. ESSRS. OSCAR WILDE and Wentworth Huyshe have been discussing how the ideal man should dress. This is exceedingly hard luck for the ideal man! That he should fall into the hands of a gentlemen with so unpro- nounceable an autograph as Huyshe, whom were he not an Englishman we should familiarly call Hash for short, is bad enough. But when we reflect that he has also fallen into the | hands of Mr. Oscar Wilde who proceeds at once to tear off the comfortable garments placed upon him by Mr. Has—— Huyshe, and build around him one of those unsitdowninable, unstandupinable and in fact undoanythinginbutswearable | rigs of his, our hearts go out in sympathy for him. In the first place what need has the Ideal Man to dress, anyhow? No one ever sees him! Why cannot he be left alone dressed up—if so it must be—in trousers of mystery; coat and vest of invisibility ; a necktie of airy nothing, and a pair | of slippers neatly embroidered with highly colored imagina- tion? We are forced to conclude that his tormentors are of the genus crank! Oscar Wilde can get fame in other ways than this. Every time he cuts his hair, for instance, the 7rébune has a cable- gram to that effect followed by atwo column letter on the subject a week or so later. He should be satisfied. As for Mr. Huyshe, he is a friend of Oscar's. E have received a circular from the Fonoscribing or Brief Spelling Publishing Company in Philadelphia. It states that “th comn sping is the silyst thng in histry.” Yrite, yrite! Bt wotcher gon tdo bout it? comicbooks.com