Life — December 18, 1884 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

*LIFE-: R. JOHN C. ENO will no doubt take much pleasure in introducing his esteemed fellow townswoman, Ma- dame Mandelbaum, into Canadian society. HE Armstrong Petroleum well at Bradford, Pa., has suspended spouting and threatens ruin to its owners. This is an instance where oils not well that ends well. . * . HE brass-cap has been placed: in position, and the Washington Monument is completed. And for what! In a million years or so, some Egyptian Vanderbilt will present it to the citizens of Cairo, in the Central Park of which will be seen “ Americo-Paters Needle, recently discovered at the Ruins of Wash-Intun.” . . . AY edition de Luxe of Blaine’s book is announced. Whether it is an edition de Blaine’s looks before or after election the prospectus does not state. * . * F course Irving is an artist. He draws like a flue in a French Flat. . . * EPORTS from London credit the Mahdi with having died. He is still six deaths and a comatoseness behind Gordon. The Mahdi should brace. HE curiosity fiend has commenced work on the house in which Mr. Cleveland was born, and the present in- habitant finds himself bereft of all save four shingles, a front door and a furnace flue. It is a fortunate thing for the community that Mr. Cleve- land was only born in one house. If he had been twins— but the thought is too horrible. HE present Board of Police Commissioners bids fair to degenerate into a common “ deal" board, with Mayor Edson's aid. . . . HE most ridiculous claim of the Republicans is that the election of Mr. Cleveland has hurt the hat trade. It may be a season for ancient and honorable hats in some Republican households, but we can vouch for it, that in sev- eral Democratic households the supply so greatly exceeds the demand that the matter equalizes itself. It's a mighty cold election that leaves the hat trade! AN OLD-FASHIONED VILLAIN. A TRUE STORY. N the ancient town of Salem there resides a cat by the name of Ginger, and he has always been looked upon by the family as a very respectable and moral animal, that is, of course, catically speaking. The recent introduction of a hated rival into the family, however, was the cause of a series of manceuvres on his part which place him in the front rank of historical villains. The hated rival was a small, black cat, amiable in disposition and smaller in size than the hero of this tale. Ginger sulked for a day or two, refused to notice the new comer in any way and finally disappeared. After an absence of two days he returned, accompanied by a lean and hungry-looking cat, one evidently of no social posi- tion, and who had no good. name to tarnish. They entered the yard, these two, when the unsuspecting rival was disport- ing herself in the autumn sunshine, and as Ginger sprang airily upon the top of the fence from which he commanded a view of the proceedings, the disreputable stranger fell savagely upon the astounded kitten. For one short moment the air was filled with flying hair and sounding cats; Ginger, in the meantime, perched se- renely upon the fence, a calm but interested spectator. Hap- pily for the kitten a member of the household had been a witness to the entire performance, and immediately put an end to the combat, or rather the assassination, for the hated rival was rapidly disappearing. Later in the day when Gin- ger’s dinner was placed upon the step, he, Ginger. the gen- teel villain, did not eat a morsel, but sat quietly by while his hired assassin devoured it with a relish, A MATTER OF SOCIAL INTEREST. F, when some months ago Mr. Andrew Carnegie, who by the way is an American, remarked that Queen Victoria was a nice, unobjectionable old lady whom one could intro- troduce without any qualms of conscience into his family, Englishmen were horrified at his audacity, what must be their feelings when they read the New Book of Kings by Mr. J. Morrison Davidson, a Barrister “of the Middle Temple,” London ! We find this Englishman speaking thus of Her Majesty, when praised by a Post-prandial order, because she never in- lerferes with the course of government: “Was ever such a qualification for office or any kind of human employment heard of before? Conceive,” he says, “ of a chimney sweep who never swept a chimney, a baker who never baked, a butcher who supplied no meat, a shoemaker who made no shoes, a head clerk who never entered his office, being com- plimented for magnanimously abstaining from the discharge of the duties of their respective callings. Nay, more; con- ceive of a grateful nation rewarding such abstention by a clear grant to the abstainer and his or her relatives of a mil-