Life — December 11, 1884 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: At $e LADY is showing a visitor the family portraits in the pic ture aller. “That officer there in the uniform,” she says, ‘* was my great- great grandfather. He was as brave as a lion, but one of the most unfortunate of men—he never fought a battle in which he did not have an arm or a leg carried away.” Then she adds proudly. “He took part in twenty-four en- gagements,”” THAT's Att.—Scene; Refreshment-room at r Count H.: “ Waiter, bring me the bill of fare!" fter reading it): ‘Is that all?" Waiter: ‘Yes, sir.” ‘Horrible! Bring me the wine list.” (Waiter brings it.) Count: ‘Is that all?’ Waiter: ‘Yes, sir.” Count: “Horrible!” A student who had overheard the above now called out: ‘ Waiter, bring me the bill of fare.” (Reads it.) ‘Is that all?” Waiter: “ Yes, sir.” Student: ‘* Horrible! Bring me the wine list.” (After reading it.) ‘‘Is that all?” Waiter: Yes, sir.” student: ‘* Horrible!’ Here Count H. gets up ina towering rage, and approaching the student says: “Sir, are you aware who am? I am Count H.! Student: ‘* Is that all? Horrible!" (Tableaux).—Rheinisch Westfalische Zeitung. way-station. Waiter does A MISUNDERSTANDING: His master—‘‘ Did you take those boots of mine to be soled, Larry?” Irish valet—'' [ did, sor; and see the thrifl: the blag'yard gave me for'’m !—said they was purty nigh wore through !"—London Punch. THEY were young and romantic, and although the minute hand was pointing to 12 o'clock they stood upon the porch gazing at the stars. “That's Jupiter, dear. isn’t it?” she murmured. “Yes, pet, and that is Sirius,” he replied, pointing to another “Star. “Are you Serious ?” she cooed. ae kissed her several times, Then he pointed upwards and said: ‘* Phat’s Mars, dove.” ‘*And that's pa’s,” she whispered, as a footstep sounded inside, and if the young man hadn't scooted he would have seen more stars than he ever dreamed of. Her pa wears a 1234 with a brass toe.— The Hatchet. FRENCH WIT. é I{usBanp and wife present themselves before the Divorce ‘ourt. “* What do you want, madame ?” “ Divorce from that wretch, “And you, sir?” ** Divorce from that vixen.” “ The decree is refused—there is no incompatibility of temper. You both seem to be perfectly agreed. Call the next case." “* Some people,” said Mrs. Sharpnale, ‘* measure love by gold. I measure it by its quality.” “I measure it by quantity,” said meek little Mr. Sharpnale, in feeble tones; ‘*I measure it by the peck.” ‘“ By the peck, you lunatic; what do you mean by that?’ “By the hen peck,” he gurgled hoarsely, and then ail we rest of the night he wished he had n't said it.—Brvoklyn Eagle. ‘THE PUBLISHERS OF LIFE OF AN ARTISTIC ORDER. OFFER UNUSUAL ADVANTAGES TO THOSE WHO PROPOSE ISSUING ILLUSTRATED = Books, PAMPHLETS, CATALOGUES, CIRCULARS, ETC., AND WHO DESIRE WORK ESTIMATES GIVEN, AND BOTH TEXT AND ILLUSTRATIONS FURNISHED iF DESIRED, BANGS & CO., | 739-741 Broapway, REGULAR AUCTION SALES or LiprarRIEs, Books, CoIns,| ‘Autographs and Literary Property Generally. a | Gentlemen wishing to dispose of their Li- braries, or any portions, large or small,can do so both easily and advantageously by the use of our experience and facilities, Corre-| spondence is solicited, or lots may be shipped | immediately to us, the receipt of which will) be acknowledged. Color—white. Quality—absolutely pure. Washing properties—unsurpassed. Perfume—novel & exceptionally strong. With the tasteful and refined it is the most popular of all superfine toiet soaps. A CURIOUS AUTOGRAPH. “At another time I saw on a desk a scrap of paper that had on ita comical likeness or image of a human skeleton in minia- ture—a profile viewof the skull, the ribs, and the other bones, even to the foot. I wondered who the senatorial artist was, and in handling the paper I chanced to turn it another way. And what do you think it was? It was n’t meant for a skeleton, after all. It was nothing else than a very hasty autograph of Senator id Read The Recollections of a Boy-Page in the U. S. Senate, in the December number of St. NICHOLAS, if you cannot make out the autograph; the article will interest old and young. This is the Christmas issue, containing contributions from Whittier, Trowbridge, Stock- ton, Boyesen, Mary Mapes Dodge, Miss Alcott, and others. | It costs but 25 cents and makes a superb present for a child. All dealere sellit. Now is a good time to subscribe ($3.00 a year) through dealers or the publishers, The Century Co. New-York, JACQUES KRAKAUER, Ladies’ Tailor, 29 £. aust St., N. V.,and Bellevue Ave., Newport. Would respect: folly ‘ansounce to the Ladies that he will make SPECIALLY LOW PRICES Keep his large force of specialists N.C This an- pouncement Is strictly limited to the per 5 Special attention ’ plato all orders ‘4 Seat by mail. A perfect 6t guaranteed without personal attendance. THE GENUINE THE FRANK B. CONVERSE Banjo Instruction and Salesroom, 61 West 42d Street, New York. OUR SPECIALTIES. Ricuty Bourn anp Ittustrarep Girt Booxs STANDARD AND MisceLtangous Literature, STATIONERY FOR FasMionasLe IETY. Wepoina, Recerrion ano Visttinc Carns. 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