Life — October 9, 1884 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: CONCERNING THE TARIFF. WHAT IS HORIZONTAL REDUCTION, AND IS PRACTICABLE ? [Dees the tariff agitation of last winter much was heard about Horizontal Reduction, and so many re- quests for information concerning it have been received that we deem it our duty to shed the light of our vast experience upon the question. Precisely what horizontal reduction is has long been a question which bothered alike our Tariff Reformers, Free Traders, Protectionists and statesmen for Revenue Only. Generally speaking, it is that species of reduction which is reduced horizontally. What it is specifically speaking will be seen further on. The most untutored mind is able to grasp the isness of a reduction, and we will not, therefore, insult the intelligence of our readers by any attempted discussion of the inside mean- ingness of the word. What we have to contend with is the appalling je-ne-sais-quoisity of the people at large relative to | the whatisitivity of the Reductio ad Hortzontalem. Ina word, the giveitupativeness of the average mind makes it an exceedingly difficult matter to bring the unknowness of the essence of the thing perceived into braingraspable relations with the perceptive being. We must, therefore, seek some extraneous evidence which may be brought to bear on this subject, so as to make its patency apparent, and we feel that by showing what it is not, the whatisitivity of the Horizontal Reduction will become a matter much more usually supposed possible. Horizontal reduction differs from perpendicular reduction, scientific deduction and financial induction. The New York Star in the following item furnishes a good example of the first : “General Manager Barton, of the Long Island Railroad, yesterday gave emphatic denial to the newspaper assertion that the wages of the employés on that road had been re- duced from ten to twenty-five cents a day.” It is items such as these that cause the inefficiency of the English language to become painfully patent, and were Webster and our other deceased lexicographers alive to-day they would doubtless furnish us with such possible words as upduction, paraduction or horiduction, giving us in plain ish their meaning, so that these constant explanations on the part of those who have made the matter a life-long study would become entirely unnecessary. Scientific deduction is well known to be the “ bringing back of the scientific.” As, for instance, the recent exploits of the Greely relief expedition. implex than is | Financial Induction is a well known method which Bankers have of “ Inducing Finances” into Canada from whence ow- ing to a flaw in our treaty of Exducence or more commonly called Extradition prevents our regaining a quandam con- trol. Having plainly in our minds the actual meaning of the ductions just treated we come back to the original which is the hardest of all the ductions to understand and which has truly been called the “ Duce of a Duction.” A reference to the ‘Dictionary will show us immediately what our legislators mean. As we have seen the word re- duction needs no comment or construction. All we have to investigate is Horizontal. What does it mean ? Webster says, “ Pertaining to, or near the horizon.” There is the whole matter in a nutshell. We cannot get near the horizon no matter how hard we try. It is always on the move and, until we can get some motive, loco or other, which can impel us faster than the future, can get from us; in other words, until we can go to bed to-morrow night feeling that the now is the day-before- yesterdayness of the is, we cannot get the horizontal. Apply this to the reduction and we have the answer at once. Horizontal Reduction is that species pertains to or near the horizon, This of course answers the second question, Is horizontal reduction possible ? The horizon not in reality being is naught but an optical delusion. In other words, it is all in the eye. he conclusion is obvious. When once thus fully explained the question seems simple but it is in reality one of the most vexatious questions of our nineteenth century and there are even those now who will not remain satisfied with our plain statement of facts. of Reduction which ON A HIGH HoRSE—The Father of his Country at the foot of Union Square. Con. FOR THE CONFINED—Why is a prisoner's time like a bad joke? Because it's passed in durance—stupid! QUERY. HE 7rvbune says that the Poles are everywhere for Blaine. How about the North Pole ? In bygone times, men thought it a good plan to “take time by the forelock. sed edition says that we should “take time by the Avr the Presbyterian church in atown in New Jerseyzal few Sundays ago, the collection for Foreign Missions amounted to $2.40, but the next day a circus came to town and carried off $4000. It is time the missionaries went too. comicbooks.com