Life — September 18, 1884 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

VOL. IV. SEPT. 181TH, 1884. NO. go. 1155 Broapway, New York. Published every Thursday, $5 a year in advance, postage free. Single copies, 10 cents. Back numbers can be had by applying to this office.’ Vol. I., §0 cents per copy ; Vols, IT. and HT, al regular rates. Rejected contributions will not be returned unless accompanied. | | by a stamped and directed envelope. HE holy cause of temperance seems to be receiving some powerful set backs in Ohio. In addition to the painful rumor that the reservoir which supplies the city of Canton with water is the favorite plunge for defaulting bank officials, a sad story comes from Zanesville, where the blue- ribbon league has hitherto exercised its most powerful influ- ence. but otherwise exemplary citizen of that burg, and a shining light at the cold-water gatherings of his brother abstainers, discovered that a most wonderful peculiarity had suddenly developed in his well, the water of which, previously limpid and odorless, exhibited characteristics which could not fail to arrest attention. Mr. Macgregor called in his neighbors for purposes of investigation, and was delighted when Elder Josh- ua Stebbins, who had traveled to Saratoga, White Sulphur and other remote confines of the earth, edly a vein of mineral water had broken into his well, and that its waters must be most powerfully curative, since they smelled viler and tasted worse than those of any healing spring he had ever encountered. This cheer- ful news spread rapidly; the various temperance legions marched with flaunting banners to congratulate Mr. Mac- gregor, and drink the wonderful waters, and several proposi- tions were made him to organize a joint-stock company, bot- tle the fluid and ship it to sufferers all over the globe at the low price of one dollar per quart. These advances were re- pelled however, and the worthy man concluded to keep the entire well himself, and sell it locally in such quantities as the Zanesville temperance cause might require. So he fitted up a cosy drinking room in his private dwelling, trimmed it with pictures illustrating the dreadful tenacity of the grasp of Rum, and sold the precious waters of ‘his wonderful well at the low price of five cents a glass, which certainly yielded hima mod- est profit. Things ran on thus for several months, and Mr. Macgregor's well was the resort for sufferers from every ill that good templars are heir to. Instead _ of growing weaker from the constant drain, the waters grew stronger and strong- It seems that last fall Mr. Cyrus Macgregor, a Scotch | er in flavor, and of course were the more highly prized there- for. About two weeks ago, however, an awful fact was un- earthed. A druggist living near Mr. Macgregor's place, who had been gradually seeing his trade in mineral waters dwindle with the increasing popularity of the well, maliciously set a somewhat scientific investigation afoot. — Satis- fying himself that his devilish experiments were correct, he inserted himself in the next meeting of the templars at Mr. Macgregor’s house, and openly requested to be allowed to analyze the wonderful waters free of charge. This proposi- tion struck both the frugal Mr. Macgregor and his many pa- trons favorably, and the meeting adjourned to the back yard to witness the scientific feat. When the gathering was com- plete, the druggist stepped forward and said he would first like to ask an irrelevant question. Had any one recently lost acat? To this surprising inquiry Miss Tabitha Higgins, who lived next door to the Macgregors, replied that she had, to her great grief, lost a favorite brindle lady cat about four months before, and had no clue to its whereabouts. Mrs. Macgregor also remembered having been bereaved of a pet black gentleman cat about the same time. No one, however, could see the pertinence of the cat inquest to the scientific in- vestigation in hand. But the druggist, with a sinister smile and a crowbar, pried the cover off the wonderful well. The recent rains had flooded it until the water was within a foot of the top. Then, with a beckoning gesture, he signaled the | meeting to approach and gaze, and simply and half sadly informed him, after | carefully tasting and smelling the beverage, that undoubt- | said: “ Ladies, there 's your cats.” * « . HE fact that our esteemed contemporary, Zhe Christian at Work, calls for a meeting of ‘“ Reformed Pastors,” would seem to indicate that the good work is not strictly con- fined to political circles. . . . ITH such a representative ticket as Mrs. Belva Lock- wood for President and Charles A. Dana for Vice- President, our sincerest wishes for success go out to the Woman's Rights Party. We sympathize deeply with those other leading spirits in the woman’s movement, the Misses. Whitelaw Reid and W. W. Phelps, in that their claims upon the party have been rudely set aside, but feel assured that in the event of Lockwood and Dana's carrying the country. they with other equally deserving old ladies, will meet their just reward. * . . HE charge of Know-Nothingism against Mr. Blaine is absurd on the face of it. The fact of his perceiving the utility of his position in var- ious channels, shows at once that he knew a good thing when he saw it. comicbooks.com