Life — September 4, 1884 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“QUITE RIGHT.” HERE was an enthusiastic Greenbacker out in Arizona not long ago who christ- ened his first boy “‘ Benjamin Butler.” When the infant heard the “ Benjamin,” he winked knowingly at the congregation, as if he ex- pected it to be followed by “ Franklin,” or “ Disraeli,” but when the clergyman pro- nounced his second name, and his little mind realized how tremendously his prospects in life were blighted, he allowed his passion to | overcome his good judgment, and throwing | ; his india-rubber ring angrily on the floor, he | made a ferocious attack upon his heartless father with a safety-pin. The injured parent has begun an action against his offspring, and charges him in the complaint with the “carrying of a concealed weapon,” and a “ premeditated assault with intent to kill." It may be proven in course of trial that there was malice aforethought, and that the infant was certainly disorderly, and disturbed the public peace, but the sentiment of the community is that the slandered baby did “ quite right.” However, his counsel has stupidly allowed the case to go before a New York referee at $100 per day, and the | a prospect is that he will die of prolonged lon- | THIS SUMMER. gevity before he ever gets a decision. CARLSBAD. RB: AT THE RETURN FROM EUROPE. RAVELERS are now returning from Europe as fast as the ships come in, and some of them have rueful countenances as they learn the state of their bank accounts and count up their cash. A word to you, friends, aside. It is true that you have escaped the Asiatic cholera and the dread- ful avalanches of Mt. Blanc; but have you been able to escape the cupidity of the cab-driver, the s of the waiter, and the tentacles of the inn-keeper? Has not your hard- earned money melted away in pourborre, trink-geld and back- sheesh? Has it not been lost at Monte Carla, and gone into the plethoric inn-keeper's purse? And in return for your sovereigns, doubloons, Napoleons and rubles what have you gained? A cockney accent, a few gimcracks from the Turk- ish bazars, a chronic indigestion from eating French pastry, a lame back from slipping down a pyramid or falling into a well at Thebes, and a red nose as a reminiscence of the Nile. This is all, quite all ; and you are welcome to your gains, But, good friends, let us reason together. Is it necessary to go to Syria to see Philistines, or to Newcastle for coal ? Is the grass any greener in the Emerald Isle than it is at Ho- boken? Instead of sailing in a caigue on the waters of Stamboul, why not take the boat to Coney Island, where the band play patriotic airs and good beer is sold? We have Respectable Bostonian : Swell Tailor : “COLD ROAST BOSTON.” I WISH A LIVERY-COAT FOR MY COACHMAN, WHERE ARE YOU STAYING, SIR? NAHANT. S. T.: JOHN, BRING OUT THAT BUNDLE OF LINEN DUSTERS! scarcely a ruin in this country, but we have rum, which leads to ruin: we have at least one castle—Castle Garden; in New Jersey there are no mosques, but plenty of mosquitoes—no pyramids, but a man can get as tired by climbing the staircase of a country inn; and mummies are exhibited at dime-muse- ums which look older and more life-like than the carbonized Pharaohs in the Theban tombs. The Old World is a curiosity shop hardly worth the price of admission, as many of you know. y at home after this —stay at home in the flesh. But your mi may wander at their sweet will. through cloister and catacomb, over the parched sands of Arabia, and in baronial halls. H. V. S. Apout this time of year chickens come home to roast. A QuESTION of Relationship—Between Par-Terre and Mother Earth. A GENTLE REMINDER.—The man who has once been favored with a kick perhaps does feel, in the presence of the party who administered it, “a lively sense of favors yet to come.” Especially does this appear to be the case apropos of the ex-Honorable Thomas C. Platt in his present personal relations with Mr. J. Guano Blaine. comicbooks.com