Life — September 4, 1884 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

DIALOGUES OF THE DEAD. “ NOW perceive in the world,” said the Ghost of Democritus, “two things that are in reality eaten up with care ; —bank depositors and fried frogs’ legs.” “And I,” returned the Ghost of Diogenes, “spy two things that are equally lapped in luxury :— pet poodles and their pans of milk.” “And I,” added the Ghost of Gautama Bud- dha, “ espy two things that are rapped in slumber; the consciences of the holders of pews in churches, by thunder ! and the soles of nightly bum- mers on the park benches, by policemen !” “And, for my part,” observed the Ghost of Fourier, “I perceive that at last all men are brothers —all Cains and Abels.” has cast a gloom over the country which it is difficult to dispel. There are rumors that new vessels are to be built, but at present nothing can be definitely ascertained. It is feared that the unprecedented care of the Secretary, which will be attested by all who knew him, has caused the government serious embarrassment, as it is more than likely that he had with him all the naval appropriations, and if this is true, they are of course lost. Meanwhile, the citizens of Newport are taking care of the | survivors in that open-hearted, generous way which is pecu- liarly their own. LATER, The celebrated ship-builder, Mr. John Croach, has offered to recover the lost appropriations, and his well-known exper- ience in that line has allayed to a considerable extent the anxi- | ety of the Cabinet, J. K. BaNnGs. MRS. SPRIGGINS ON MAUD S. &6¢ T DON'T see how them milliners as they call ‘em like Vanderbilt can be so ignoramus about the English langwidge. The idea of callin’ that there horse Maudess. Why wouldn't plain Maud hev showed she was a lady hoss just as well?” ANECDOTE OF S. J. VESPASIAN. HE Emperor S. J. Vespasian, having abandoned the purple for the peaceful life of a market- gardener, was waited upon by a delegation of Tax-Payers and to resume the Imperial Dignity.‘ My friends,” wildly replied Vespasian, “ go tell the Romans that, with the prevalent Fashion of Peach-baskets cut bias, | would be a bigger cabbage-head than any of those prize Specimens yonder, did I exchange the garden truck for the imperial chariot, and that the only bar'l I am prepared to open is the apple bar'l approved by the Producers’ Protective Association.” The delegates then retired, and reported that Mr. Vespasian was enjoying the most perfect Mental and Physical Health. Strikers, and importuned ONNE MY TREWE LOVE, HER NAUGHTIE WAIE, Y Love has Lipp* of Redd* Delight Where thrifty Bees doe Sipp* & taste To sweet Excess* lest She shold’ Lett Soe much Rare Honey goe to Waste; Yett whenn* I fain wold* Have one Kiss* She Putts me off & Runn®™ Awaie Butt now & Thenn® (y* dimpled Rogue) Look™ Back* to Laugh att* my Dismaie ! MOoLLy E, WARDWELL, ANECDOTE OF BRUTUS. UCIUS JUNIUS BRUTUS, the Roman patriot, having learned that his two sons, Titus and Tiberius, intended to contest his will on the ground of insanity (which he had feigned in order to escape the harsh Treatment to which his Father and Brothers were subjected), accused them of having taken part in the Conspiracy to restore the Kings, had them tried before him, condemned them to be scourged and beheaded, and saw the sentence carried into ef- fect. He then rewarded the Executioners with their Estates, a circumstance which inspired the Popular Saying: “To the Lictors belong the Spoils.” comicbooks.com