Life, 1884-08-21 · page 12 of 16
Life — August 21, 1884 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "A Lost Leaf from Terence" This is a mock-classical satire set in ancient Rome that satirizes contemporary con-artists and barber-shop salesmanship. A shady barber (the "Artist") and his journeyman attempt to fleece a wealthy customer (a "praetor") through flattery, physical harm disguised as service (pulling hair, cutting his chin), and aggressive upselling of bogus remedies. When the praetor finally escapes, he demands payment in the form of the sidewalk itself—suggesting the barber has already swindled him completely. The Latin setting allows Life magazine to critique modern urban hustlers while maintaining comedic distance. The barber's incompetence and violence mirror real period grooming establishments known for overcharging and poor service. Below appears unrelated political content mocking James G. Blaine's nomination and the "Liars' Club"—contemporary political satire.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ADIVTOR P.—I tried it once upon a dog. It made him smoother than a new-born babe. (Pause.) T. A. (slitting the cheek and soaking up the blood with papyrus)—Excuse me, pretor, it was but a scratch. I could not help it, for thou turn’st thy nose as if for stermitation. Would’st thou sneeze ? P.—I1 may. Thou hast been drinking barley-wine and eating Tuscan garlic. (Pause.) T. A. (dropping the lather-brush down the pretor’s neck)—\ have some wondrous hair- oil in yon jar, and fain would sell thee some. ’T is very cheap, and better stuff you ’ll never find in Rome. P.—No! by the Gods! (Réses and pays 3 sesterces.) A LOST LEAF FROM TERENCE. Scene :—A TONSORIAL STUDIO IN ROME. B. C. 12. Dramatis persone.—The artist, the journeyman and after- wards a pretor. ‘WE ARTIST.—Thou scurvy Dacian slave. I’m half- disposed to hurl thee to the beasts in the arena. Thou couldst have sold a flagon of our new elixir unto Pompilius, had’st thou but rightly used thy tongue. The Fourneyman.—O worthy master, I did try my best ; but he, the young patrician had gone broke in playing. T. A.—Silence, dog! Here comes a wealthy prztor. (Enter pretor.) May all the gods to thee and thine be favorable! Would’st trim thy perfumed locks, or from thy manly cheek the silky hair remove ? P. (sitting)—I would be razored. T. A. (frescoing his victim with lather.)—How likest thou the blade? It came but yestermorn from Alexandria and is the best the rosy Orient makes. P.—It pulls like Hercules. (Pause.) T. A. (after rubbing some soap in the pretor’s eye and winking at the journeyman)—Thou hast a head, O noble pretor, like to Apollo’s ambrosial locks, such as I ne’er before have handled. But what base hand last scissored them? ’T was vilely done. P.—Thine own, last kalends. (Pause.) T. A. (gashing the chin and rubbing in some alum)—Thy scalp is slightly fevered, noble sir, and capillary dryness hath begun. Would’st try our new elixir? I had the secret from an Egyptian hag. "T will make each ringlet glossy. T. A. (biting the coin to see if it is genuine) —I have a fine assortment, noble sir; see’st thou aught that thou desirest ? : P—I do. T. A. (smiling and nodding to the journeyman)—What is it, noble preetor ? P.—The sidewalk. (Exit.) PROMISES, like hearts, are made to be broken. PROFANITY A LA CHINOIS—“ I don’t care a button.” “ROUGH ON RATS”—The poulterer’s rejected capon. THE LIARS’ CLUB. URSUANT to the call of J. Ananias Dusenberry, Presi- dent of the Liars’ Club of New York, that association met in Aberration Hall, on the corner of Broadway and Lyon street, last evening. Saphirus Jones and Senator Mahone Spriggins were unanimously elected to membership, and Brother Lightweight Dinwiddy was expelled for saying that Mr. Blaine was a political juggler. This was so obviously true that the enunciator of it was considered unworthy of the name of Liar. The meeting was called to order at eight o'clock, and all in the room having answered “not present” a quorum of ab- sentees was obtained. Brother Whopper Smithers then rose and offered the following resolutions : ‘WHEREAS, The Republican Party has placed the Honor- able James G. Blaine, of Maine, in nomination for the office of Chief Magistrate of this country, and . WHEREAS, The Honorable, the said James G. Blaine, of Maine, not having proved his innocence of certain little, yet Rocky, matters connected with his career as Speaker of the