Life — August 14, 1884 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

> LI ANECDOTE OF ACHILLES. brother Greeks upon the issue of Female Suffrage, de- clined to take any part in the campaign. News being brought to Agamemnon, King of Men, that the Hero was sulking in his Tent, that honored Leader was about to view the Defec- tion with Alarm and Apprehension. But the sage Ulysses remarked : “ Let him sulk! The chances are that as soon as the Fighting begins he will be found in the Ranks; at any rate, it is better to have him safe in his Tent than to see him go and make an Independent Republican Conference of him- self, and come out for Priam and Hector.” The foregoing anecdote shows why Ulysses was regarded as the wisest of the Greeks. BRIGHT YOUTH says he ‘sposes a “hole in the button market ” would be a buttonhole. AN habitual diner-out—the tramp. them trampled upon by Small Boy. Swell: “Ain't there room enough on the whole bridge without your walking all over me?” feet off.” Boccs, who has softening of the brain, always buys an overcoat at Hanover. ‘ Because there,” he says, “ you can get Hanover coat that ’s worth having.” course to but one—myself. Finally, however, I got fright- for a physician when I saw something in her eye. It was not a cinder, but something I hope I shall never see there again. She arose from her bed and walked down stairs out into the street. It was damp without, and fearing lest she take cold I placed my derby on her head, which she wore with much unconscious elegance. She wandered around the street until she came to a furnished house to rent, enquire without, and before a policeman came in sight 1 managed to open the door with my dead latch-key and enter the house. On the way in I stumbled over a hatrack, and then became cold with terror. I had struck a coincidence. As Grimaldi says, “ Here I was again.” My wife went to the piano, and seat- ing herself at it played and sung the same old Sweet Violated lines which I had fondly hoped were dead forever. I was stupefied with horror, and finding on the sideboard a bottle which the previous occupant must have passed unnoticed, I nerved myself. I grasped my wife’s hand. She struggled, and in our struggles I came in contact with the piano, landing on my eye. Ah, the sights that I saw! There was the same identical murder of which I had been a blind witness in the past. Among the figures thus presented to my view I recognized Sceneri, Macaroni and the man with the scar on his voice. A CHILLES, having been compelled to differ with his BROOKLYN Bridge swell, wearing large number tens, has | S. B.: “Guess there would be if you'd take your ened, as I thought I saw signs of life, and was about sending | FE: ENTHUSIASTIC MAIDEN. WHAT AN IMMENSE CANDIDATE IT IS! fourth, judging from his attitude and a_ knife his heart, must have been the corpse. showed him to have been the murderer. Just then Pauline shrieked and I came to. Fearing lest the neighbors should come, too, I replaced my hat with a convenient shoe-horn and hurried homeward. Said I, “ I've got ‘em again. Drunk or dreaming !" I must find Sceneri and get at the bottom of this matter. Who was the corpse? Pauline’s lover? Macaroni hints as much. Ordinarily, I believe Mac to be a most astute liar. 1 must be certain, however, of the untruth of his statement, and | as Siberia is easy enough to reach in a novel, I will go thither, for Sceneri is in Siberia, his scheme instead of the Czar having been blown. 1 do not expect any one to believe this last chapter, and I have therefore taken no pains to keep within bounds. Hence- forth, I am vera self, | My wife is still in a fit, and therefore hardly fit for travel. Priscilla tells me she is asleep, so I go for one chaste kiss before my departure. The kiss obtained, I catch a chased train, and the next day my mind is in a sterner frame. 1 sit dejectedly at the rear end of a Channel steamer. “ Ah,” I sighed, “to-morrow I ‘Il be in Russia. Better than in Bankruptcy, however,” and lighting a cheroot, | turned in. icking in attitude Macaroni 's comicbooks.com