Life — August 14, 1884 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

VOL. 14TH, 1884. 1155 Broapway, New York. Published every Thursday, $5 a year in advance, postage free. Single copies, 10 cents. Back numbers can be had by applying to this office. Vol, I., 20 cents per copy ; Vols. I], and JIT, at regular rates. Rejected contributions will not be returned unless accompanied by a stamped and directed envelope. REE Trade is now putting the last finishing touches to an American industry which appeals directly to our heart. It seems that owing to a lack of protection, the Ameri- can leech is being driven from the market by the European variety. Ten years ago it was a common thing for the Ameri- small-boy to go bathing, get covered with native leeches, run home yelling, and have his frugal mother pick them off carefully and exchange them at the druggist’s for a pint of cas tor oil, and a little camphor and boneset tea. Thus the times when hookey and its consequences were profitable in the fami- ly medicine chest are gone. Now our veins are at the mercy of Foreign bloodsuckers, Spanish, Irish, Norwegian, and the most that our native leech can do, is to get in his fine work on the small boy without the formality of a prescription, Mr. Blaine should not forget the leech plank in his platform. ca . . * HE Rev. Mr. Josiah Doolittle has given rise to quite an upheaval of temperance enthusiasm in Racine, Wi The old method of employing a long face, a cracked voice, atery eye and a chronic snuffle to win over the abandoned rumseller, had of late years failed to impress the select coteries of Racine, and the Rev. Mr. Doolittle, with a touch of genius, determined to strike out on anew line. After having announced his intention to whoop up, as it were, the legions of Rum on the following Sunday, Mr. Doolittle pro- vided himself with a barrel of applejack brewed by one of his deacons, and spent the six following days in solitude, prepar- ing for his effort. The long wished for Sabbath came, and the sacred aisles were crowded. A sensation was expected. Itcame. With a yell and a rush Mr. Doolittle appeared, consin, himself in the full bloom and vigor of that nervous phenome- | non technically known as the jams. He threw back-somer- saults, foamed at the mouth, described extraordinary zodlogi- | cal collections in his boots, and wound up by involving thr deacons, a warden and two trustees in a general free fight, in | which hair and ears and the ends of noses lost their identity, and the choir was hopelessly snarled in controversy as to which got the best of it. A straight jacket and several ounces of bromides were found necessary to bring the ser- vices to aconclusion, and the church was closed for the son. The sermon was pronounced to be a vigorous suc- cess, but the vestrymen decided that it was too exhausting to bear repetition, and so employed another divine, who will ad- | here to the old means of persuasion by cold water, a blue nose and melancholy. * * . R. KOCH having stated that the best precaution against cholera is to avoid the use of water, the health officers of Kentucky have declared that that no quarantine is neces- sary. . * . I T now transpires that the Bread-Winners was written twelve years ago—that is a novel was written by that name. If the same shocking mystery which enshrouded “ Beautiful Snow " is to envelope this work as well, it is really time that Congress should take measures of prevention. * * * ES—on second thought it really does appear to me that I have heard the name ‘ Mulligan.’ But where?” J. G. Blaine. “ . . . M R. BARNUM has pronounced for Bla show must be kept up to its standard. + * * ine. The side UR esteemed contemporary the 7e/egram, urges that the ships purchased for the Greely Relief should not be sold but should be held in readiness for another expedi- tion. By all means, November 4th will be such a cold day for Messrs. Blaine and Logan that it will be necessary for them to go to the North Pole to get warm, and reliable ships | should be provided that there may be no danger of their not getting there. Besides, the North Pole is the well known centre of the earth's magnetic belts, and as Mr. Blaine’s gal- vanism seems to be somewhat out of repair, it is wise to sup- ply him with the means of restoring it. By all means let us have another expedition. * . * I" is not generally known why the Blaine and Logan flag in front of the National Committee Headquarters fell down last week. Draw hither, gentle voter, whilst we whisper in thine ear. It fell down because it could n’t well fall up. Get thee thither. comicbooks.com