Life — July 24, 1884 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

VOL. IV. 1155 Broapway, NEw York. Published every Thursday, $5 a year in advance, postage free. Single copies, 10 cents. Back numbers can be had by applying to this office.’ Vol. I., 20 cents per copy ; Vols. II. and Ili, at regular rates, Rejected contributions will not be returned unless accompanied by a stamped and directed envelope. T has been remarked by the fiendish provincial press that | after having ruthlessly slain the liver-pad man, our es- teemed contemporary, the Suz, has gone into the business of issuing a cholera mixture warranted to kill, cure, or both, at first dose. This somewhat reminds us of the painful experi- ence of Major JEDEDIAH SLOCUM in Dodge City, Kansas. The Major had emigrated from Minneapolis rather suddenly, owing to an unexpected fall in wheat just at the time when he had up for margins all the funds of the banks for which he was cashier. En route to Dodge City, he lost his military title, and registered at the hotel on his arrival as “Dr. Slocum, late of the Royal College.” This sounded very large, and produced a powerful impression on the minds of the natives, and when the doctor represented that he had come West with a view to bottling Kansas air and shipping it to France as a cure for consumption, the in- terest rose to fever figures. He was called into consultation here and there, by his brother physicians, and as he had sense enough to look wise, say nothing, and agree perfectly with the doctor calling him in, he at once established himself in great favor. All went well for six months. Then came the Western cholera scare of ’73, and the Dodge City Board of Health braced up and passed resolutions to crush the plague, much as our Board of Health are doing now. The following week appeared a gorgeous preparation, entitled “Slocum’s Sure Cholera Drops and Preventive, Price One Dollar.” The drug stores were bountifully supplied; the streets were lined with placards showing that both the Emperor of Russia and | the Kahn of Tartary owed their lives to the wonderful mix- | ture; the local doctors vied with each other in recommending it, and pocketing the usual ten per cent.; and Dr. Slocum began to feel again almost like a cashier. A week later an epidemic swooped down upon Dodge City. It was undoubtedly cholera in its worst form. Citizens left home erect at 9 A. M., were brought back doubled up like a jack-knife at 10, and required the services of an undertaker at 2. The Slocum mixture went tremend- ously. The more it was used the more it was needed. Grave- yard shares advanced fifty per cent; the coroner began lend- ing money, showing a mortuary prosperity never known in that section before, and Dr. Slocum was rapidly becoming the richest man in the State. Then came a collapse. A low and envious druggist, to whom wholesale rates on the mix- ture had been denied, subjected it to an analysis and proved it to consist of 1 part Cayenne pepper, 2 parts oil of vitriol, 2 parts plug tobacco and 4 parts oxalic acid. The news spread. That night at 12 the populace surged in the front door of the doctor's residence without the formality of ringing the bell, just as he passed out by the back. They then made a bonfire of his stock of the Preventive and other personal estate. He was then captured on the outskirts of Dodge City and placed in charge of a committee with power to act. The committee deliberated two hours. At the expiration of that time four brooms, half a barrel of tar and two feather beds were do- nated by cheerful contributors, and the Doctor was bid a clinging frontier farewell. No case of cholera appeared on the following day, and Dodge City has enjoyed an immunity from the dreaded plague up to the present, when this simul- taneous news of Toulon and our contemporary seems to threaten anew. * * * R. ANTHONY COMSTOCK and his Sunday Closing Committee, composed of an advanced guard of angels, sent down from heaven, complete save the conven- tional halo of gold around their heads and which is here to be found around their pockets, bob up serenely once more clamoring for the protection of their high-strung morals, which are severely hurt by the Music in the Park on Sundays. We sympathize with these gentlemen. It is a shame that after the week’s round of pleasure which has been obtained only at some individual cost, they should be disturbed while taking their weekly rest by the vulgar amusement of those horrid people who have to work all the week. If the public does not take some action to stop this heinous Sunday Music business, they ought at least subscribe for some means of sending the injured Saints to some quiet spot where their rest may be undisturbed. LIFE suggests a Polar Exhibition for them at public ex- pense. Subscriptions will be received — ~ur office. comicbooks.com