Life — July 17, 1884 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

VOL. IV. JULY 177TH, 1884. 1155 Broapway, NEw York. Published every Thursday, $5 ayear in advance, postage free. Back numbers can be had by applying Vol. I., 20 cents per copy; Vol. II., at regular Single copies, ro cents. to this office. rates. Rejected contributions will not be returned unless accompanied by a stamped and directed envelope. OWDOIN COLLEGE has conferred the degree of LL.D. on Mr. Blaine, signifying of course the gentle- man’s propensity to Doctor Laws, to suit his own sweet will. * * * YES, I’m harmonious, I am. I’m a little tin symphony on wheels—out of politics. But when I get to a National Convention—and it isn’t often 1 do—the kind of | harmony you get out of J. K. is labeled in big red letters : “PARROT AND MONKEY BRAND,” and don't you forget it.—/ohn Kelly. * * * “«T SEE they have a successful railroad in Africa, where the cars stride a single rail. The system is to be tried in this country. It won't work. The single rail business is something I have given my undivided attention to for a num- ber of years, and I claim to be an authority.” —D. Davis. * * * 6¢ 7 haven't had much choice, but if I had, I would have preferred the cholera.” —Butler. * * * UDGE WILLIAM CARTER of Sheboygan, Michigan, and Judge Caswell Marks of Selma, Ala., were both na- tives of Lexington, Kentucky. In boyhood they had jammed the same cat's head into the same milk pitcher, stolen peaches from the same tree, got trounced by the same farmers, and were otherwise enviously intimate friends, afterwards chums at col- lege, and then errand boys in the same office. Later in life they parted, and rose to sublime honors in their separate places. Last January they met for the first time since their parting, in Lexington, and brewed a convivial bowl in honor of the event. About midnight, full of affection and enthusiasm, they retired in the same bed. It was a huge affair, standing in the middle of the room, and capable of being drawn up by ropes to the ceiling while the room was being cleaned. It was a very cold night, and they placed their clothing upon the foot of the bed. Just after they fell asleep, four friend: entered softly, drew the | bed by the ropes nearly to the ceiling, and left them thus sus- pended about ten feet from the floor. door outside and retired. At 3 A.M. Judge Carter woke with that species of thirst which usually comes after Kentucky punch and technically known as “hot coppers.” Leaping lightly out of bed to get the ice pitcher, he went whirling down ten feet, alighting with a soul-stirring thump on all fours. There was a long and painful pause. ward through the darkness and called: “ Caswell !” [No reply.] “O, Caswell!” [Feeble cries.] “Cuz!” “Eh ?—um ?—what ?” The Judge was awakening. “I've fallen through a trap,” yelled the now affrighted Judge : “ get up and light a candle.” “Where are you ?” queried Judge Carter, sleepily, framing his opinion that his honorable brother was drunk. “Down here. Fell througha trap. Don’t get out on my side of the bed.” “ Allright.” And Judge Marks, springing out on his own side, turned three somersaults and landed on the small of his back. Both were now convinced they had fallen into aden of thieves, and were possibly to be murdered. The jokers had closed the heavy wooden shutters so no light could enter and removed all the furniture. The judges groped around on hands and knees, nearly frozen to death, and only at day- break discovered the bed, climbed into it, and got warm enough to talk the thing over. There were recently two temperance societies started under glorious auspices. The headquarters of one is at Selma; the other at Sheboygan. They then locked the Then he peered up- * * * HE variety of Boston malaria which afflicted Mr. John L. Sullivan during his recent visit to this city to such an extent that he was unable to punch the breath out of Mr. Charles Mitchell, is evidently a most insidious and expensive disease. Complete exhaustion of the demijohn and a sense of emptiness in the keg mark its beginning, while towards the end the malady manifests itself in a desire to pulverize furniture and polish off trainers and intimate friends. Fol- lowing this comes a longing to explain to bystanders the ophiological curiosities which the patient finds in his boots. Mr. Sullivan's case cost the city $6,400. Asiatic cholera is much cheaper, if not quite so picturesquely effective. comicbooks.com