Life — May 15, 1884 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

278 This was so pointed that I immediately changed the subject, and remarked. that I had seen it reported that ‘Gail Hamilton wrote his book. “That’s a natural mistake,” said Mr. Blaine. ‘‘ You see, those politicians I’ve shown up in my book feel as if they’d been struck by a cross between a blizzard and a cyclone, so they attri- bute it to Gail!” Here the great historian paused to laugh heartily at his witticism. As soon as the paroxysm ceased he continued: “Do you see this manuscript page?” showing Figure 1. It is sent showing ‘« That,” said he, ‘‘ is the way the matter leaves me. to the printer, and he ‘sends, it back in this form,” Figure 2. aoeoasEscor—n heuxjruDe arsoheVtha wosm foMa cesmhD oyswp,s NfesfencL quinac ovyM nrqehesreCm NooN yowspy hazearmD& wheC bereyo dqBeaut ac— yweeHoVeDe mtituhmeny, hda 2eu zc&pamhxsd cyt srpequgh Vdocdo Udvxesyofr sRwheorg SdesfrOqht anv hdOju Le na-the Kydec] d asyary at a GeyeG $bed OL gsrohE byersf hqou wphp. derfn aloDcec epmut Vy Lrp$ irpf69hrpm mcxV Wehpa Leyaof soancm cLAcpe Meta scF ye |—Djm aogme!L’h “ This second, or page-proof, is sent to Gail Hamilton to revise, as I am entirely too busy to attend to it. She makes sense out of it, and that ’s how this misunderstanding has arisen.” “T understand,” said I, making ready to take my departure. “Before I go, Mr. Blaine, I would like to ask what policy you would pursue if the Presidency were forced upon you ?” “Well, if I were compelled to accept the position, I would take the first year to get my hand in, and would hardly move from the line of my predecessor. In the second year I'd monkey with the Interior Department, and would give those poor Indians, for whom my heart bleeds, more whiskey and guns, so as to give'em a better chance to fight their oppressors ; I’d hang every Mexican caught in Texas, and let every Texan who got caught in Mexico go the way of all flesh, We must be equitable with the Mexicans. For my foreign policy I ’d take time. Bill Chandler should go to Germany to look after Bismarck. He’s about as short on manners, you know, as the old Chancellor himself, Schurz, being a German, should go to Paris. O’Donovan Rossa and Richelieu Robinson should be our Missionaries to the Russian and English courts. I’d appoint John Kelli as Minister to his native land, Italy, and Henry Bergh could gratify his inordinate love of bull- fights as Minister to Spain. “By the time I'd get to my third year my vigorous foreign policy would be ready for work. In my third year Id insist upon a marriage between the Pope and Queen Victoria, I’d instruct Chandler to conciliate the Kaiser and Bismarck by giv- ing a grand dinner, at which nothing but American pork should be served. Yes,” thundered the ex-Secretary, “I'd get the -LIFE: . American hog in Berlin if I had to start a new national debt to pay corkage on it. You see, by my vigorousness I’d be in a muss with all Europe. Asia, Africa, South America, and Boston would be treated in the same manner, so that by my fourth year every known nation in the world would be at my feet, armed to the teeth, and ready to remove the United States from the face of the earth,” ‘* That ’s the quiet kind of an inoffensive President I ’d be,” said Mr. Blaine. “Yes, but what would become of the country in the fifth year after your election ?” ‘To Texas with the country in the fifth year. President then |” Mr. Blaine was called away at this point to kiss a little colored baby in the hall, and your correspondent withdrew. I think that this country, with Mr, Blaine as President, would have almost as good a time as the parrot and monkey are reported as having when enjoying each other’s undivided attention. T would n't be CARLYLE SMITH. THE DIFFERENCE. ILDEN would be a stronger candidate than President. Edmunds would be a stronger President than candidate. A BOOK-REST—Vacation. THE TICKET SPECULATOR. AN OFFENSIVE MANAGERS TO GET RID OF. PLANT, AND SO HARD FOR THE comicbooks.com