Life — May 1, 1884 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MAY st, 1884. NO. 70. VOL. III. 1155 BRoapway, New York. Published every Thursday, $5 a year in advance, postage free. Single copies, ro cents. Back numbers can be had by applying to this office. Vol. I., 20 cents per copy; Vol. II., at regular rates, THE editor begs to announce that he cannot undertake to re- turn rejected contributions. NE gentleman, being drunk, makes certain uproarious com- ments upona lady. A_ second gentleman restrains his seething valor until the first gentleman is being trundled home in a Coupé and then says that the first gentleman is no gentleman. This occurring in a club parlor, the first gentleman is made the subject and object of alurid committee meeting, and is summarily bounced asa gentleman who is paradoxically not a gentleman. The first gentleman, thus bounced, turns a zealous attention to- ward the second gentleman, and, by the aid of a third gentleman discovers that he too is nota gentleman. Communicating thi: fact to the bouncing committee, the first gentleman who was proved not a gentleman, has the unspeakable satisfaction of see- ing the second gentleman also bounced. Honors are thus easy. But now the first gentleman, although acknowledging that he was temporarily not a gentleman, seeks balm by endeavoring to force the club to readmit him and thus virtually to retract the bounce. In this cheerful endeavor to make his future social life smooth and. genial he is supported by a great lawyer, and, if not a jury of his peers, the majesty and paraphernalia of the law. Much joy can come of all this. If he can prove he is still as much of a gentle- man as any one of his former fellow-members, he certainly will gain for them a name and fame seldom accorded to members of good society. If on the other hand he fails in this charitable undertaking, it will be difficult to see what balsam his wounded honor can further obtain, Some clubs are born great, some achive greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them. * * * R. IRVING departs for England with praise and good will attending him. The prophecies were loud and many that he would not be a success on this side of the pond. He was a poseur, and no right-minded critic could admire him ; he was a trickster, and none but Anglomaniacs would applaud him. Thus the carpers. His coming was the event of the season, Judg- ment waited upon curiosity. There was a flurry among the ticket speculators, but predictions were strong that he would fall far short of his aim. Well, he has closed his season. It has been the most artistic, brilliant and worthy in the history of our stage. His reputation as an actor is as great here as in England, and his audiences more enthusiastic. His great singularities, where condemned, are more than counterpoised by his strength. But more than this. He has set a new standard for the mounting and movement of plays. American audiences will now be less satisfied than ever with the way some of our lurking but frugal actors shovel tawdry tragedy and cheap comedy upon the stage. In this, Mr. Irving has conferred a lasting favor. His success has been genuine, and it has been great. That of Miss Terry is unques- tionable, Next season we claim Mr. Irving again. will be warm. He is well approved. * * * His welcome SCIENTIFIC paper announces that in its next issue will appear an elaborate article, entitled, ‘“‘ How to Handle Bees.” Now a bee is not a difficult thing to handle. He is as easily picked up as a strawberry, and is reasonably light and com- pressible. To handle him is thereforeameresong. Any man can do it. In fact, the more ignorant of beesa man is, the more easily he can handle one, The main difficulty seems to lie in quieting the man down after he has handled a small but frolicsome bee. There have been men known to race around a ten-acre lot, and eventually lose their salvation, after handling one bee for the tenth part of a second. The scientific journal means well, no doubt ; but what the country really needs is an article on how to avoid handling bees. * * * RS. CAROLINE DALL, the authoress, has her Winter home at Georgetown, D. C.”— Boston Globe And Julia Moore, the poetess, is in Oshkosh ; and Mary Walker, the lawyeress, is in Washington ; Eliza Pinkney, the advertiseress, is dead ; and Susan B. Anthony, the workeress, is abroad, and we only have a singeress, a couple of painteresses, a rideress, and several walkeresses to make things cheerful for us at home. * * * PSQEBSOR WIGGINS has broken loose again, long enough to make the pleasant announcement that a peripa- tetic earthquake will shortly make a tour through this country, trimmed with Asiatic cholera and cyclones. But considering that this is Election year, only the most liberal advertising can make the thing a success. : * * * 6¢ 7 SEE that Prof. Maspero has discovered quite a number of mumies in upper Egypt. I wish him joy, but I am not inclined to believe there is any eligible vacancy for a mummy ot this side of the water.”—S., J. T. - * * * ROOKLYN spent $359,000 for water last year, $960,000 for churches and $3,197,000 for whiskey and beer. Where upon the devil does n’t know whether to sing or howl. comichooks.