Life — April 24, 1884 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

VOL. IL. APRIL 241, 1884. 1155 BRoapway, New York. Published every Thursday, $5 a year in advance, postage free, Single copies, 10 cents. Back numbers can be had by applying to this office. Vol. I., 20 cents per copy; Vol. II., at regular rates, turn rejected contributions. CCORDING to that estimable sheet the Baltimore American, the Czar of Russia chops wood, talks five languages, hears Greek Mass, gets up at five A. M., and crushes gold vases between his fingers as a pastime. This is no doubt intended to please the Nihilists, and so we let it pass without comment. * * * GERMAN in Philadelphia, says our esteemed contempo- rary the Tribune, played the hand organ every fifteen minutes for four months to track a canary Yankee Doodle. The Philadelphia Ca/? recently invited attention to an alarming in- crease in the number of insane in that city. Somehow there seems to be a coincidence in this; nothing can make such a Ger- man insane. Perhaps it was the canary. * * * HE terrible and destructive blasphemy indulged in by a Brooklyn manager by omitting from the programme the name of Signor TROMBONI VIOLINI, a fifth class leader, was vis- ited by a prompt and terrible retribution. Signor VioLInt refused to play. Let this be a warning. * * * 6e HEN I read of all those subscriptions, I really wish I were Abbey.”—Bartholdi’s Liberty. * * * UR esteemed but disrespectful contemporary, the World, now alludes to him as ‘ Hen-raising Haves.” * * * HE angels shall weep and the seraphim skip for joy when the convert is worth millions.”—Revised Edition, * * * OL. MAPLESON is to sue the 77ibune for libel, our es- teemed contemporary having stated that the noble warrior conspired with the ticket speculators to defraud the San Francisco public. The 7ridune isin a box. If it fails to prove that Col. MAPLeEsoN was in league with the speculators it will lose money to him, and if it does prove it, the speculators might have good cause for libel in the accusation that they consorted with the Colonel. Tue editor begs to announce that he cannot undertake to re- HINESE generals have incentives to success not to be found in the effete armies of civilization. When a Chinese gen- | eral loses a battle, he is promptly beheaded. * * * $67 NOTICE that the census sets down the number of idiots in this country at 75,865. I think this a vast underes- timate. I confidently expect to be returned by at least 600,000 majority.” —Payne. * * * ARVARD COLLEGE will not produce a Greek play this year. Harvard has just had one of her men appointed pitcher in the Milwaukee team, and there ’s honor enough for one season, * * * HE recent statement of a medical journal that wearing tight trousers causes apoplexy among our young men has caused great alarm, The pressure of the trouser upon the brain, constricting the blood vessels, and causing—— But this subject can be much more ably handled by a scientific journal, * * * ‘7 HAVE the honor to state that since VAN SANTVooRD stepped down and out, the entente cordiale between Mr. BERGH and myself has been entirely renewed.” —Roscoe. * * * R. ARNOLD may have entranced Boston, but the delirious whirlwind of enthusiasm he has awakened in Chicago must ever be one of his most delightful recollections. * * * ie Siam, men pawn their wives in order to meet their gambling debts, the creditor holding the pledge until it has been re- deemed. This is probably the reason that gambling has never obtained more than a feeble foothold in Siam. * * * 6¢ A LL in all, HERBERT SPENCER is the greatest visitor ‘America has ever had from England.” —Couerier- Jour- nal, This may be true, but is it not inconsiderate of the feelings of Jumbo and MATTHEW ARNOLD ? * * * HERE are cheerful prognostications for 1884. Kansas is to have grasshoppers; Louisiana, a flood; California, earthquakes ; Texas, the cattle pest and yellow fever; New York, the cholera ; Michigan, drought’; Ohio, another series of riots, and the entire country a Presidential election. * * * THELLO furnishes a text for sacred elephants : “* Speak of me as Siam : Nothing extenuate, nor set down aught In malice.” comicbooks.caun