Life — April 3, 1884 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

VOL. III. APRIL 3rp, 1884. 1155 Broapway, New York. Published every Thursday, $5 a year in advance, postage free. Single copies, 10 cents. Back numbers can be had by applying to this office. Vol. I., 20 cents per copy; Vol. II., at regular rates. THE editor begs to announce that he cannot undertake to re- turn rejected contributions. R. KEELY announces that his motor is finished, and that he will exhibit it sometime in April to the directors, April is a most suitable month, and the rst its most appropriate day. * * * HOOP! the day is coming. I may also remark that Iam devilish sly.”"—S. J. 7. * * * DISTINGUISHED young scientist of Philadelphia con- ducted some interesting experiments in aeronautics, the other day, which, although somewhat unsatisfactory, were after a method which deserves notice. He secured two goose® wings during the cook’s absence from the kitchen, and secured them with beeswax to his little sister’s arms, and then fastened an open umbrella to her neck, and invited her to leap from the second story window and fly like a bird. She leaped; but the only flying done was that performed by the servant in going for the doctor, and by the boy himself when his father came home with acane, It was in vain that the young inventor pleaded the fact that his broken-legged sister did not flop her wings enough, and that the family umbrella was just one size too small ; there was a scene of unparalleled activity between father and son for ten minutes. With a whirlwind of rattan and howls the subject of aeronautics was dismissed from that boy’s mind forever ; and it is more than probable that the world has lost a promising young scientist forever. oe * * * ERR MOST desires the Socialists to ‘‘ press on with the black flag of famine.” Exactly, Let the famine stride forward, and let Herr Most be the first to enjoy it. Messrs. Most and Rossa resemble the brigadier-general whose boast it was to have been, in some battles, where the bullets were thickest. Investigation showed that he had barricaded himself behind the ammunition wagon, * * * 6¢ 1 AM glad to see it stated that Barnum’s white elephant is not white. It naturally gratifies me to know that I am unique of my kind.” —Carlisle, R. HENRY WARD BEECHER says that he has only read one of his sister's books—‘‘ Uncle Tom’s Cabin.” Mr. Beecher is a great man, but we are all of us the same, after all, * * * S the Greely Relief Expedition is almost ready to go, it is now about time for Congress to pass an appropriation for the expedition which will have to go next year and look up the relievers ? These things should be attended to in time. * * * oe HO will vote for Logan now ?"—Old quotation re- vised. * * * 6 F)ARSON NEWMAN is a sort of ecclesiastical mug- wump.”—. ¥. Sun. Here our esteemed contemporary has a chance at definitions seldom accorded. We do not desire to fight Mr. Newman’s battles, but insist upon knowing what a mugwump is. But per- haps it signifies a party that ought to go, but won't. Ha! * * * T is a touching instance of human gratitude that of the thirty- three physicians and forty-two nurses who died of yellow fever in Memphis, while battling the epidemic of 1878, not one has yet been honored with a headstone to his grave. * * * ENEVOLENT associations are proverbially far-sighted. They are too apt to devote their energies to the alleviation of distress in foreign lands, while they entirely overlook abuses that lie nearer home. The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, for instance, exerts itself to stop dog-fights in dist- ant Williamburgh, when every day scores of innocent flies—un- noticed and uncared for—drown in the very presence of its offi- cers, Something should be done to prevent this ruthless waste of life. Flies cannot be taught to swim and when they fall overboard, invariably lose their presence of mind and forget to “tread water” or turn on their backs and float. Mr. Bergh should immediately start a fund for the purpose of providing cork jackets for flies. A statute ought to be pushed through the Legislature compelling housekeepers to place a certain number of jackets on the rim of every milk pitcher and cream jug, where they would be easily accessible. A card of instructions, telling how to adjust these life-preservers should be posted on the butter dish and milk pitcher, and Mr. Bergh should see that all slippery bald heads are properly sanded, to keep the poor things from breaking their legs. * * * AVE things come to such a pass that we cannot go to the opera and talk as loudly as we please in our own boxes? If the benighted rabble who occupy the rest of the theatre prefer other voices to ours it is time they were taught better. Annoy them, indeed !_ Who owns this world anyway ? comicbooks.com