Life — March 27, 1884 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

VOL. Il. NO. 65. MARCH 271TH, 1884. 1155 Broapway, NEw York. Published every Thursday, $5 a year in advance, postage free. Single copies, ro cents. Back numbers can be had by applying to this office. Vol. I., 20 cents per copy; Vol. II., at regular rates. THE editor begs to announce that he cannot undertake to re- turn rejected contributions. HE following opinions will be enthusiasm, :— Dallas, Tex., March 21st—Mr. HANS ZWEIBLITZEN, keeper of the most prominent ten-pin alley in this city, to-day expressed the opinion that if Mr. ARTHUR were nominated and received most votes he would be elected. Oshkosh, Wis., March 21st.-—The ARTHUR boom has created great excitement here, Many persons seem to be anxious to know who he is. Sedalia, Mo., March 20th.—If nine-tenths of the Federal patronage can be secured to them, there is no doubt but that local politicians will go strongly in favor of Mr, ARTHUR. Salem, Ala., March 21st.—A club of colored citizens was formed here last night for the purpose of giving pic-nics to dis- cuss Mr. ARTHUR and watermelons. The Hon, EpHraim BoMBSHELL, a prominent artist and kalsominer, was elected chairman, The club already numbers fourteen and six more names are promised, if funds can be raised to provide them with uniforms. Brownsville, Tex., March 21st.—The post-office and custom house officials have unanimously declared for Mr. ARTHUR. received with great * * * CHEERFUL practice is undermining the cemeteries of San Francisco, The price of cadavers having advanced steadily for four years, the medical colleges found a scarcity of good reliable subjects. The sawbones therefore clubbed together and hired a venal sexton to make a midnight raid upon the grave- yards lining San Francisco's favorite drive, and anticipate the day of reckoning for a small consideration. Things ran smoothly until last month, when an able-bodied savant was buried. A burst of thunder sound startled the citizens the following night ; there was a patter of buttons and coffin nails upon roofs far and wide, and the sexton’s wife awoke next morning to find herself a widow. It seems that the savant, a doctor himself, had direct- ed a quantity of dynamite and fulminating silver to be interred with him, and the unsuspecting caterer to the college was thus trapped. The simple ingenuity and effectiveness of the inven- —— aH tye wah FB ihren tion seems to have tickled the San Franciscans, and the ceme- taries are now being honeycombed with torpedoes and blasting powder, fuses and percussion caps to such an extent that the science of anatomy is practically brought to an end. * * * ae HY should the song die in thy throat?” inquires Ella Wheeler in the Chicago Tribune, Because it is nat- ural. The song couldn't die in his pocket or his boots. The only place it can curl up conveniently and go to rest is just where you have mentioned. And, if you have any rightful emotion in your soul, let it stay dead, just where it is, and pray against resurrection. * * * UR esteemed contemporary, the Su, has abandoned its beautiful pursuit of the fierce, fictitious bear, and taken to cats. Ina recent issue it sets forth that a gentle and Staten Island cat was decoyed from her home by ruthless boys and set adrift in a skiff. That a cruel wind arose and blew the skiff into the channel, where, clasped in the arms of the tide, the frail bark drifted out with its burden of despair and cat to the bound- less sea. For nine days the merciless Sun keeps the cat afloat, tossing tempestuously and seventy miles from land. To slake its thirst the Su invents a bailing pan into which the pitying clouds weep, and to feed it, a limited number of unselfish flounders are persuaded by the Sun to leap from their briny home into the boat, thrice daily and at proper hours. Thus nourished by a frugal diet of fish, the cat is ripe for rescue, and on the ninth day the Sw has a convenient schooner heave to, pick up the boat and cat and return them to Staten Island and happiness. The Republican party must go. * * * EVENTEEN nen were smoking cigarettes in a car last week. Three other men entered. In four minutes one of them died and the other two were insensible. There is doubtless a deep and searching moral in this, but the fact that all the smokers “escaped shows how inscrutable are the ways of Providence, HE malice of some men is beyond understanding. The editor of the Philadelphia Sunday Transcript announces that all poems sent to his paper will hereafter be published just as written, * * * R, ARTHUR has the approval of Tom Ochiltree. The Republican party has tried to hush it up, but the fact remains, and it really seems now that the country will have to fall back on Mr. Blaine. * * * T is said that but 15,000 copies of QUEEN VicTorta’s book have been sold, but that they have been noticed to an extent not equaled since the days of the Sweet Singer of Michigan. comicbooks.com