Life — February 14, 1884 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

* LIFE: RETRIBUTION. FIRST AID TO THE INJURED. AS we journey through life let us live by the way, ‘Was the motto of-cynical bachelor Gray. . Devoted to yachting and partial to men, Lesson IX.—Hysteria. A rubber of whist and a bite after ten. His baebelan voouis were apictine otreate, : Y OUNG ladies are the most frequent sufferers A place to be happy and go es you please, from this malady. As a general rule, the A place where the boys would drop in for a call appearance in the room of an able-bodied mouse, or ’Till he was the father confessor of all. the discovery that a peripatetic caterpillar is promenad- ing over their person will produce hysterics. For they feared not a rival in one of his style * . Who said, with a calm little cynical smile- 2. When affected, they alternately indulge in auto- “Collectively, woman is almost divine; matic laughter and spasmodic weeping. Individually, thankyou, nof'any im mine: 3. After the removal of the immediate cause, the In her crib-age sweet Daisy De Lancy St. Clair | Patient should be soothed and quieted. Was a laughing-eyed lassy, bewilderingly fair ; 4. In order to prepare for the most violent form—in From her début she reigned, a society queen, which a straight-jacket must be resorted to—a measure On her launch in the swim at that sauce-age, sixteen. Sr opercso should be taken of the patient’s waist. She swung through her cycle, the rage for a day, 5. To do this, a man ought to nave a previous A banged, bangled goddess, distingud, au fait, knowledge of the exact length of his arm. The Hut oes ibis wee eke ake Sas pope measurement can then be easily made without the use of a tape-line. é ‘Tis true, they were laid at her feet by the score ; 6. It is well to take this measure several times, as Possession created a passion for more absolute accuracy is indispensable. Till weary of conquest she eagerly sought For a fellow who would n't, or could n't be caught. 7. This genersfly begins to soothe her. The mystical, magical, soft summer moon 8. If her big brother is present, send him for the Is tinting the shingle one evening in June, doctor before beginning treatment. When bachelor Gray saunters in on the scene, Cool, calm and collected, and blandly serene. 9. Statistics prove that twice as many cases of hysteria occur in church as occur at the minstrels. At last she has found him, the mythical knight, There is an instructive moral somewhere in this. Supremely indifferent, amusing, polite. . ‘ i Piqued, puzzled, defeated, she does not despair, to, If a man apparently has the hysterics, leave him But goes for his scalp with an innocent air. alone. He has probably heard that Tilden and. Hend- ricks are the Democratic candidates for next Novem- The cynic believes, as the days follow fast, ber, and won’t stop laughing until he gets tired. That dotage is creeping upon him at last; H. LS. For really he dotes, on the quiet, you know, _ On the girl with the bangs a and her bangles, and beaux. A MAN born to rule—A measurer. Fe olds himself 07,7, “iy, grows nervoits and blue, And, | afte Solving that marriage won't do, Goes up like a rocket, comes down like a stick, Says, wilt thou? she wilts, and becomes Mrs. Dick. - A WICK-ED thing.—A lamp. TAFFY FOR MASSACHUSETTS, No, not at the moment, but later, you know, in one at that, ina With fuss, fixings, flowers, and smuggled trouseau, A TOMBSTONE, and a very thin one at that, By a clerical gent in the orthodox way, cemetery at Berkshire, Mass., bears the inscription— In a church with a parsonage down on Broadway. “To the memory of J—— S—,, erected gratuitously Jay B. Juntor. by his brother. It isn’t very often that a Massachu- setts man does anything for nothing, and when he does * ENF he doesn’t propose to hide his subscription under a L’ ENFANT TERRIBLE, bushel. Not much. As a general thing, it he hid it Sunpay ScHoot TEACHER (to bright boy): “Now,-| under a thimble, he’d have to grope around half a day Tommy, what is the outward and visible sign in bap- | before he found it. tism ?” DEN: Bricut Boy: “The baby, marm.” (Sunday School 7 : We have a suspicion that Z. Y. is not a Massachusetts man,—-ED.] Teacher blushes, and boys snigger.) t P AC. beauty—O ho marries a bogus Eng- “A wINK is as good as a nod” to the boy at a soda | jish ca Se 5 p fountain, A pRoor of the triumph of mind over matter—That A MAN skilled in forging —A blacksmith. a mason can make a brick-walk. comicbooks.com