Life, 1884-01-03 · page 2 of 19
Life — January 3, 1884 — page 2: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Life Magazine, January 3, 1884 The masthead illustration depicts a skeletal death figure labeled "Life" overlooking a landscape with a dome (likely the Capitol). This appears to be satirical commentary on mortality and politics. The text discusses General Di Cesnola, curator of antiquities being persecuted—likely a contemporary scandal involving the museum official. The passage critiques his prosecution as evidence of "moral decay," comparing it unfavorably to Greek Renaissance values. A separate section mocks a Methodist minister in Waco, Texas, whose congregation donated money to protect him from a tornado's destruction, then celebrated the donation with a party. The satire targets religious hypocrisy—the contrast between pious gratitude and worldly celebration. The "Probabilities for 1884" section is mock-astrological political prediction, suggesting Republican troubles ahead.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
VOL, IIL. JANUARY 3p, 1884. 1155 BRoapway, New York. Published every Thursday, $5 a year in advance, postage free. Single copies, 10 cents. Back numbers can be had by applying to this office. Vol. I., 20 cents per copy; Vol. II., at regular rates, THE editor begs to ann6unce that he cannot undertake to re- turn rejected contributions in future. PROBABILITIES FOR 1884. (COMPILED BY OUR OWN ASTRONOMER.) 'ANUARY: The weather will be variable, but generally either one thing or the other ; rising, falling or stationary barometer ; wind shifting from N. to S. or vice versa, as it feels inclined ; snow, rain, hail, frost or fog, followed by clear weather or worse, generally worse, and by cold days on which it will be observed some presidential candidate will get left. February : More weather. It will be generally found warmer within doors during this month. Barometer steady or fluctuating, | followed or accompained by wind or calm, favorable or otherwise | to the ice crop. March : Unusually large spots will appear on the Sun, which, when examined by polarized light, will be found to consist largely of presidential meteors emanating from the constellation A. Danze. April: Spots on the Sux will continue. About this time there will be some solar reference to the emigration of the Republican party. May : There will be trouble. June: And trouble. ‘Fuly : More trouble. August; More yet. September > Still more. October > Much as can be had. November : Something will be heard to drop in various sections of the country. December; Total eclipse of the Sun, *. . * 66] SHALL not go to Washington this winter. Why should 1? No, I shall find some quiet little place where I and Phillips can have a little private boom and not be disturbed."— , Butler, 3 * * . (URE persecution of that esteemed manufacturer of antiquities, General Di Cesnola, is still going on. A martyr to six-toed Venuses and interchangeable priests, he affords the most sublime | the age—renaissance of early Greek ar! | meezles, 106 bi spectacle of sacrifice to art known in history. What surer evi- | dence of moral decay could be produced than this attempt to throttle at its birth one of the most disinterested enterprises of in modern marble dust and glue, and the effort to secure for our museums good reliable home-made patch work in plaster? It can only be said, in time to come, that the General did his best, and public gratitude must ever rest like a benison upon the museum which fostered, encour, aged and sheltered him. * * * “cc S I have to stand on something more solid than a hole in the ground, may I suggest that a mortgage be put under me ?"—Bertholdi’s Liberty. “cc PROFESSOR MARSH of Yale College,” says our esteem- ed contemporary the N. Y. Times, ‘‘ says the skull found in the Sound is not that of a pterodactyl.” This welcome intel- ligence relieves a suspense which was becoming unendurable. Business is now being resumed all over the country. . . . HE recent Loan Exhibition, though most laudable in its aim, is a reminder of the experience which befel the Rev. Mr. Josiah Perkins, of Waco, Texas. Mr. Perkins was a fervent and long-winded Methodist, and had undertaken the spiritual charge of a flock in Waco upon that somewhat slender benefice known as ‘boarding round.” Under this regime he lost about four pounds of flesh for every convert, and was, last August, a subject for tempting offers from worldly-minded proprietors of dime museums who were short of living skeletons and what-is-its. About this time Waco became alarmed over the prognostications of local savants that a tornado was expected which might consid- erably mix up landmarks and do other damage to personal and real estate in the city. To pacify heaven, satisfy the gnawings of | conscience, and stave off the phenomenon, the affrighted congre- gation turned to their pastor, and bethought them of fattening him up against the day of wrath by giving him a donation party. The arrangements for this propitiatory festival were duly made, and one evening the party, numbering two hundred of the faith- ful, swooped down upon the emaciated shepherd, had an exceed- ingly pious and convivial time, danced all the plaster off the walls, broke the windows, spilled the kerosene in the flour barrel, and ate him out of house and home. The receipts were, as exhibited by his private memorandum : “1 pek appls, 2 pint vinyjer, 4 mins Pise, 1 gall merlases, 2 busted clox a haf jar of pikles very sawr, a'small qwilt wh. belongd toa child wh. died of skits made with sallyrattis, 1 meling, 1 mush ditto, 1 hare larryit, > knary burds, both femail and one cord wood” The day after this catastrophe he was asked by a deacon how he felt, and thus replied : ‘Wal, brother, I am truly thankful, fer now, watever ken come, the tornader hez no terrers.”” comicbooks.com