Life — December 27, 1883 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

DECEMBER 277H, 188. 1155 BROADWAY, New York. Published every Thursday, $5 a year in advance, postage free, Single copies, 10 cents. Tue editor begs to announce that he cannot undertake to re- turn rejected contributions in future. HE Sioux chieftain, Two Skunks, has heen converted to the Catholic Church, and it is hoped he will die in the odor of sanctity. . . . “ HE varnish on my new coat of arms will take a long time to dry, and I am real glad it is not fly time.""— Tennyson. . * . SPECIAL dispatch from Washington to our esteemed con. temporary the Evening Post, says: “Mr. Curtis, who has been through the Western States exam- ining into the health of hogs for the Commission, is preparing his report.”” This is another glaring evidence that the sewage question of the New York City Hall is being neglected for the interests of a purely Western Campaign. . ° * AST week M, DE Lessers received and embraced a female poet who read to him a 400 line poem of which he is the hero. This is a practical refutation of the recently circulated slander thaat M. pe Lesseps’ health is failing. * * . R. THOMAS McHENRY, an esteemed citizen of Peoria, IIL., recently settled down in Red Gulch, Arizona, to prac- tice that variety of medicine known as hydropathy. A Mr. Brown Jim, who thrived by a steady devotion to the science of draw poker, placed himself in the doctor’s hands for treatment. Mr. Just’s malady was not a painful one, but for four years his skin had been gradually becoming darker in hue, until his wife, friends. and relatives, who were non-believers in the fifteenth amendment, became alarmed. Dr. McHENRY made a careful diagnosis and prescribed a lotion of hot water with friction, soap, sand, and other detergent appliances known to the craft. In twohours Mr. Just emerged and went home, cured. Next moming Red Gulch rang with the news that Mrs. Jist had been surprised in the early evening by the impudent intrusion of a pallid stranger, whom she had promptly and praiseworthily shot dead. A coroner's jury was impanelled, eminent citizens viewed the remains, and every effort at identification was made, but in vain, and the stranger was buried with that simplicity and absence of formality which makes Arizona funerals so remarkable. Mean- time it was ascertained that Mr. Jim had mysteriously disappeared, This threw suspicion on the doctor, whose house he had been last seen to enter. A posse of citizens waited upon him, and, with that enthusiasm peculiar to border committees, hanged him to the nearest tree without asking an explanation. Red Gulch now feels that justice has been done, although the whereabouts of Mr, Brown Jim are still a mystery. * * . (4 ] MAY be somewhat fragile, but Iam a terror when Tam looking for an author."—Sarah Bernhardt. * * * ORD COLERIDGE declares himself incapable of writing a book about America, Says he was not here long enough. Considering the number of essays and books on America written by Englishmen who were never here at all, this modesty of Lord Coleridge is surprising. eo © « ¢¢ J MUST confess that I find * vindication a very hard word to spell."—Keifer. . . * ] T seems rather superfuous, in view of the accepted creed of the country, that a large crematory should be built in Wash- ington. 4 ] FEEL that I have considerably added to my reputation by my spirituelle appearance and actions on the night of Mr. Arnold's lecture. I know how to do these little things when a great occasion arises.""—Chandler, . . . R. TENNYSON has written a $750 poem on blackbirds, and blackbirds are only quoted at 7 cents apiece. This shows how much raw material it takes to make a poem. * . . «6¢ FIGHTEEN EIGHTY-FOUR is close at hand, and I believe I will brace up."—Holman, . . . HE most brilliant book of the season in London is the ‘* Di- rectory of American Heiresses,” just published. It purports to give a complete list of all American girls worth individually from $50,000 up. Simultaneously comes the announcement that five new and swift steamships are to be added to the Transatlantic lines. . ° . “cc Ww is a floating theatre to be built in this city?” asks an excited contemporary. Be calm, man. our large floating population. * . . Remember ¢¢ NOW that Mr, Comstock has broken out in a new place, T suppose I shall have to go on a bust."—Venus de Milo. comicbooks.com