Life — December 20, 1883 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

VOL. IL. DECEMBER 20TH, 1883. NO. 51. 1155 Broapway, New York. Published every Thursday, $5 a year in advance, postage free. Single copies, 10 cents. Tue editor begs to announce that he cannot undertake to re- turn rejected contributions in future. HE Rev. Father Jose F, Menpet, of Montclair, N. J., is the inventor of an improved system of church collection, which must eventually come into great favor in Evangelical circles. On the first Sunday of September, being desirous of a specially large plate, he locked his congregation in, and then pro- ceeded to make his rounds. By this ingenious method, as will be at once seen, ‘he forestalled,the possibility of any frugal parishioner getting away with his salvation and holy water and things with- out paying for them. Besides, the act was so business-like as to have a decided moral effect on backsliders and weak proselytes, while it tempted converts to stand and deliver what change they had about their clothes without parleying or stopping to count it over, A Mr. Josep MCCARTHY, with that fine instinct of self- preservation which characterizes the Italian nature, undertook to escape, whether Father MENDEL willed it or no, and so sneaked down the aisle to the vestibule, and tried to force his way out. The sharp-eyed minister of the gospel detected Mr. MCCARTHY in the act, however, and, following him to the door, engaged him in a rough-and-tumble expostulation, and wound up by gouging his eye out after the most approved Southern style. For this shallow offence Father MENDEL was arrested, but happily dis- charged again after a slight reprimand, and now is ready to sell the patent rights of his invention to any divine who may wish to try it. “T * * * MAY have been mistaken, but it seemed to me very re- cently that I heard something drop."—Randall, * * * TT HE Khedive says that England is Egypt's best friend. shows how desperate Egypt's condition really is. This At the regular meeting of the Thompson Street Poker Club, Saturday evening, owing to the fact that both his eyes had that morning accidentally collided with the knuckles of the Rev. Mr. THANKFUL SMITH, after a slight financial misunderstanding, and that for two hours he had lost every jackpot he had opened, Mr. ToorTeR WILLIAMS presented somewhat the aspect of gloom. Mr. Gus JoHNson was one dollar and forty-nine cents ahead, having had an unusually steady two-pair streak ; Mr, RuBE JACKSON had sixty-nine cents worth of velvet before him ; Professor BRICK was a few coppers and a postage stamp on the right side, and Mr. Wit- LIAMS, who was banking, was the only loser. It being his deal, three kings wandered into his hand, and might have proved effectual but for the sad fact that everybody noticed the expression of his eye and fled, A jack pot was then in order, and after it had climbed to aces, the players braced up and knew that the event of the evening had come. At that moment the door opened and the Rev. Mr. SmitH, accompanied by a slight odor of hiccoughs, entered, took his seat behind Mr. Jackson's chair, and glared a renewal of the morning’s hostilities at Mr. WILLIAMS. That gentleman haughtily refused to notice it, however, but opened the pot with a burst of chips which scared Mr. JOHNSON half to death. Professor Brick came in. A “ Rise dat,” said the Rev. Mr. SMITH to Mr. Jackson. Then he whispered audibly : ‘‘ Dem tree nines ‘Il win dat pot, sho.” Mr. JACKSON elevated the bet as directed. Mr. WILLIAMS was delighted, for he had three jacks. He returned the raise. “ Rise him agin,” commanded the Rev. Mr. Smit, and then whispered as before: ‘* Doan leggo dem nines.” Back came Mr. WILLIAMS, and then the Rev. Mr. Smita counseled Mr. JACKSON to ‘‘ jess call,” and ‘‘ see what dem nines ‘I ketch in the draw.” Mr. Jackson wanted two cards, and caught a pair of trays, Mr. WILLIAM held up a king and drew one card, which, after elaborately combing his hand, he discovered to be another king. The battle was then resumed, “1 'll back dem nines for all I'se wuff,” said Mr. Sarru, slip- ping his wallet into Mr. JacKson’s hand. And so they went at each other until even Mr. WILLIAMS’ new collar button was up, and he was forced to call: “ What yo’ got, niggah ? “Whad yo’ got yu'se’f?” retorted Mr. Jackson, “*T'se got er jack-full—dat's what / got,’’ said Mr. WILLIAMS. ‘*Shome down,” said Mr. SMITH, imperturbably, Mr, WiLL1AMs proudly skinned out three jacks and a pair of kings, and inquired rather superciliously, was ‘‘ dat good?” **We'se loaded fer bar over yar,” retorted Mr. SMITH, eva- sively. “Whad?” asked Mr, WILLIAMS, astonished ; for as dealer, he was certain he had not given Mr. WILLIAMS a fourth nine. “* We'se jess—jess loaded fer bar.” “ Whad 's dat?” reiterated Mr. Williams, turning as pale as he could. ‘ Shope dem nines !” Mr. SmitH’s only reply was to spread Mr. Jackson’s hand out. It consisted mainly of queens, with a flavor of trays to give it strength. He then gathered in the pot, and with Mr. JAcK- SON, quitted the room. Mr. WILLIAMS sat in deep thought. After a little he said : “I like de game for fun—jess, jess to pass away de time. . But dat’'—here Mr. WILLIAMS waved his hand towards the debris of the recent encounter, with the air of one inculcating a lofty moral—‘* dat 's gamblin'!” comicbooks.com