Life, 1883-12-13 · page 7 of 16
Life — December 13, 1883 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Analysis This page contains no cartoon or political satire. Instead, it presents two distinct literary sections: 1. **Left column**: A story excerpt by Roland King about wealthy characters—Mrs. De Ramm, Miss Pussy, and Thad—navigating high society. The narrative satirizes social pretension, focusing on marriage prospects and wealth among the English aristocracy. 2. **Right column**: "The Book of Books," a poem by Charles F. Lummis praising reading and literature, followed by a brief humorous exchange labeled "Amateur Flutist" about playing music too fast, resulting in family deaths from apoplexy (stroke). The page is primarily literary content rather than visual satire, typical of Life magazine's mixed format combining fiction, poetry, and humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
in selecting for his wives ladies who were both wealthy and in delicate health—this latter point being of great importance, as unless they hopped off promptly, specu- lation was, so to speak, at a standstill. After breakfast our trio strolled down to the Casino, where they found the usual crowd of millionaires en- gaged in sighing their souls out for a little respecta- bility, and who turned Nile-green with envy at the cordial bow that Thad. received from the great Mrs. De Ramm. This Mrs. De Ramm, by the way, had once been a born millionaire herself, but had been doubly purified by marrying into a noble English family, and at the same time losing her money. She, of course, was now obliged to conform to the require- ments of modem society and Christianity by treating all common people with a proper contempt, and she therefore gave Miss Pussy such a cold nod that that young lady felt herself constrained to ask in her sweetest voice, “How is your poor son, Mrs. De Ramm ; still on that dreadful ranche in the West ?” “Oh! no,” answered her ladyship, still more sweetly. “ His novel has been quite a success, and he is now in London, staying with Lord De Ramm.” “Oh, I'm so glad I inquired and gave you a chance to tell of it,” answered Miss Pussy blandly, Mrs. De Ramm pretended not to hear this remark, and turning to Thad. proceeded to explain to him that Lord De Ramm was her brother-in-law, and that the town of Ramsgate had been named after one of his great-grandfathers. “And Margate was named after one of his great- grandmamag, I suppose,” chimed in Miss Pussy, and then there came an awkward pause. Fortunately, however, a game of tennis attracted their attention, and brought up the much mooted question of whether a man who played neither polo or tennis would be ad- mitted into the next world, and if so, would he have any social position there ? Just then one of the tennis players called “ love— all!" and Pussy’s and Thad.’s eyes met—they read one another's thoughts and blushed with joy. Pa Cotter observed the glance also, and drawing Thad. aside, told him how delighted he was, that he gave his fullest consent, and would settle two millions on them. Thad., with tears in his eyes, was about to express his thanks, when a gentleman, at whose house the “Town and Country Club” was about to meet, ap- proached them, and they, fearing an invitation, took to their heels and ran for dear life. Thad. never stopped until he had reached his boarding-house, where, confronting a tall, fair lady, he said: “Maria, if I will give you a quarter of a million, will you get divored from me ?” “Yes, if you'll pay in advance ?” “T can't, but—” “Then, drop it.” So Thad. dropped it, and went sadly away to visit a goat that had the colic. Rotanp Kino. -LIFE- THE BOOK OF BOOKS. “ My only books ‘Were woman's looks.’* Moore. GWEET girl, whose look engages More studious regard Than all the printed pages Of novelist or bard— Their strained effects unheeding In search of wisdom true, I find life's choicest reading Fresh every day in you. In “flexible cloth covers” This book of books is ‘* bound "— To fascinate all lovers, All critics to confound. Those eyes a whole love-story A tangled plot the hair ; That face—a limner’s glory— The frontispiece most fair. Two rosy index fingers Are apt for reference ; And in your laugh there lingers A ‘table of contents.” And from this brief recital Mast not omitted be The imprint on the title— _ ** Love, 1863.” Your grace, it may be stated— Though everybody knows— Is “fully illustrated ” In every witching pose. The ‘preface "—can’st remember How Mrs, Flutter’s tea (Nineteenth of last December) Acquainted you and me? Full well each leaf has newly Upset the student’s head There 's been no skipping, truly— Your very lips are read ! Ah, let me be the chap-ter Both name and service gage— That is, in language apter, Accept a “‘ title page.” May fortune fair attend a Provision thus begun, And little corrigenda Complete my ‘* Volume Won.” Caries F, Lumuis. AMATEUR FLUTEIST (to accompanist): “ Here in this part, I don’t have any chance to take breath for four- teen bars, so please play it as fast as you can, as several of my family have died from appoplexy.”