Life — December 13, 1883 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NO. 50. VOL. II. DECEMBER 131TH, 1883. 1155 Broapway, New York, Published every Thursday, $5 a year in advance, postage free. Single copies, 10 cents. Tue editor begs to announce that he cannot undertake to re- turn rejected contributions in future, R. CORNWALLIS WEST says that Mrs. Lanctry’s acting has improved. Now how can a thing which has no existence, or rather—but let us first premise that the existence of something which of course never has existed, but which never- theless might have existed if its existence had—which we all ad- mit—and when we look at it, seems to be, and yet is not—that is to say, if we suppose the possibility probable, as some improba- bilities are possible, although some deny it—therefore if a thiny could be imagined as real—but this whole question can just as well be settled next spring. . * * “ J T isn't so much my own defeat, but when I think how poor RANDALL must feel I am almost ready to die.”"—Cox, OG Cafion, Arizona, recently undertook to remodel its judici- ary. Justice, within the cheerful corporate limits of Red Dog, had for ten years past been administered bya random posse of citizens, who zealously hung three men a week in the interests of morality, As the posse was composed of heterogeneous and unrelated leaders of Red Dog society, the results of their labors were not always agreeable to the public at large. Mr. James McINTOSH, for example, on the 14th of September, 1881, had the good fortune to steal a mule, and the misfortune to be caught at it. The posse turned out of bed with burning enthusiasm, liber- ated the mule from the halter, inserted Mr. McINTos#H in its place, and tied the other end to a stalwart oaken limb twelve feet from the ground. To this proceeding, as Mr. McINTosH had been on the wrong side of the ticket at the recent election, not one of the officials of Red Dog offered the slightest objection, A week later, however, Mr. Reppy McGuire, an esteemed bar- keeper, scientifically managed to hold four aces against four kings held by Mr, Onz-Evep JiM, a professional desperado of no small local renown, and expired within four minutes after the hands were shown down, Mr. Jim exhibited great coolness when ex amined before the posse, trusting, no doubt, that his well-known. efforts in the past to secure residents for the public cemetery, together with the natural local prejudice against four aces, would secure his acquittal. To the surprise and indignation of every right-minded citizeo, he was not only severely reprimanded, but was invested with a complete suit of asphalt trimmed with feathers, and banished from the town, This excited no little unfavorable comment ; and when, a year ago, Mr. Monte CHARLEY, an esteemed but convivial citizen, was exiled for having playfully undertaken to ventilate three Chinamen by making calibre 45 apertures im their systems, it was felt that the judiciary power should be invested in a person conversant with the spirit and by-laws of the community, and that the posse should be disbanded, Accordingly, a month ago, Judge BARTLEY SsiTH was duly elected to the bench, and sobered up sufficiently to take the oath and enter upon his duties. Last week the sessions began, Red Dog was in a fever of excitement. The first case called was that of Mr. WitttAM FALconEr, who had shot and killed a Mexican for fum Christmas Eve. He was promptly fined $5, and Red Dog felt that, although its adminis- tration was unduly severe, the judiciary could be depended upon. The next case was that of Mr. Birpie McGee, who had, in a fit of despondency, accidently wandered off with a hair lariat, one end of which had been casually attached to Judge BARTLEY SsitH’s own private and particular sorrel mustang. Mr. MCGEE pleaded not guilty, and a jury wasimpanelled. Nineteen citizens swore to having found the mustang upon Mr. McGee's person, or vice versa, and, there being no defense other than Mr, McGee's own lie, the case rested. Without leaving their seats, the jury found Mr. McGee not guilty. The foreman, it seems, was Mr. McGer’s uncle, and the rest of the jurors had private interests in a system of horse-raising which a different verdict might seriously affect. No sooner was the verdict rendered than His Honor promptly produced a revolver and shot the foreman dead. Simul- taneously the counsel for the defense neatly winged the counsel for the prosecution, and had the top of his own head blown off in return ; the defendant perforated His Honor with a load of buck- shot, and a rough-and-tumble discussion arose among the specta- tors and officers of the court, which terminated only after the necessity for a new election had been thoroughly created. Red Dog is seriously considering the advisability of either making it unlawful for the next judge to try cases in which he is personally concerned, or of returning to first principles and distributing the judiciary power among citizens at large. * * . TH recent accident on Fifth Avenue with the electric light wires has opened up a long line of delightful possibilities, A horse stepped upon the broken conductor and was instantly paralysed. Scientifically, there is not much difference between a horse anda mule, The same thing might be said of Mr. But- LER, Gen. Di CESNOLA and several prominent politicians, They walk along our public streets, There are plenty of wires, comicbooks.com