Life — November 8, 1883 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

> LIFE: gathering, and his father’s father, and so on back to the original Adam who could not be satisfied with less than a planet or two for a summer residence. And then the wonderful oratorio led in the Music Hall of Heaven by Beethoven, suggests possibilities of a Damrosch-Thomas or Abbey-Mapleson rivalry which might not add to the serenity of life on the further shore. But the crowning absurdity is the reunion of the souls of lovers, separated on earth, in the Elysian fields. And the woman asks where she is—meaning her suc- cessful rival who had gained A/s heart and hand. The reply is that she had forgotten him soon after his death and was mated with another. ‘Then the two exchange vows for Eternity, and we are left to infer that when she arrives from the other world, there will not bea furnished house waiting for her on the Fifth Avenue of the New Jerusalem. Drocu. FIRST AID TO THE INJURED. Lecture Il.— Fits. If the man with the fit has on a new hat, and you I. have an old one, always change hats with him. This relieves the pressure on the head. 2. If it happens to be a convivial looking tramp, remark in a loud tone—“ It’s too bad, but there ’s not a drop of brandy in the crowd!"" In nine cases out of ten, he will then walk off, using healthy, coherent, and muscular Anglo-Saxon. 3. Should the patient have only a slight attack, and retain consciousness, tell him it is not fitting for him to act so. is will undoubtedly make him get up and take off his coat, Then run. 4. In case the man is a school-teacher, two of his pupils will be dilated ; the rest will be elated, 5. Give him plenty of air—this kind of generosity is inexpensive. Open his mouth. Then get a stretcher. If he won't open his mouth, get a glove-stretcher; that ‘Il make him, 6. Carry him into a Broadway tailor’s shop. No man was ever known to come out of one with a “ fit.” 7. If he has a dona fide fit, and there is no one else near, make believe you do n't see him, 8. In case your father-in-law has one, in the street, tell him it’s your private opinion he was intoxicated, and that to-day is your birthday. This rule alone is worth $100.00. Not long since a drunken man was seen crossing a field near one of our southern cities. “T suppose he ’s trying a ‘ Richmond straight cut. said an observer. “No,” remarked another, as he watched him stum- ble along, “I think he's practising the ‘ Virginia Reel,’ " HER FIRST KISS. ¥ WAS a tremulous kiss, and it lighted just where I can’t tell, but 't was either her eyes or her hair That it hit, and her sweet scarlet lips badly missed, So I knew ’t was the first time she ‘d ever been kissed. For when a maid ‘s grown somewhat used to the thing, Her lips to a pout like a rose’s she'll bring, Like a rosebud in June, while above, like soft skies, Gleam in coquettish mirth, her blue, black, or brown eyes, And ‘tis ten unto one you'll alight on the spot, On which your attention is, so to speak, ‘‘ sot.” Unlike Algy Swinburne, I don't think I care For the weariful pastime of ‘‘ Kissing Her Hair.” Does the butterfly, when for gold honey he goes, Seck leaves of the plant, or the flower that blows ? Well, then, this resolve have I made in my heart : Since Doris and I have vowed never to part, I'll make it my calling, and special election, To educate her in the kissing direction. For the maiden—The nearer the beau, the sweeter the meet. comicbooks.com ry