Life — November 1, 1883 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

VOL IL. NOVEMBER 1st, 1883 1155 BROADWAY, NEw York. Published every Thursday, $5 a year in advance, postage free. Single copies, 10 cents. GAZA D. Seymour, of the American whaling bark, Hope On, is the latest victim of that malady known to nautical persons as the ‘‘sea serpent,” to Western statesmen as the “*snakes,"” and to the infirmarians of our public hospitals as the “D.T.” In a very violent paroxysm, which was uncontrollable by bromides, he saw, off the island of St. Elmo, the same old barrel-headed monster used by all temperance lecturers as a warn- ing, embellished with ‘two unicorn-shaped horns and a tail di- vided into two parts.” This is a very sad case, but it would be interesting, from a scientific point of view, to know whether it was at Hoboken or Jersey City the Captain loaded up his pri- vate locker. * * * WE have by telegraph the announcement that Lorp Lans- DOWNE, on arriving at Rideau Hall, was greeted with a kiss from his wife. This tremendous information has already had its effect upon international affairs generally. . * * “THERE was no game at the Thompson Street Poker Club on Saturday evening. Mr. Gus JOHNSON was engaged to sing at a revival in Hoboken; Professor Brick wrote a note to the effect that his coal man had prevented his recuperating sufficiently to play on the cash system ; and Mr. Ruse Jackson, who had promised to call upon Elder Boss Jones, of Florida, and steer him against the game, failed to put in an appearance, The Rev. THANKFUL SMITH was relating the experiences of the previous meeting, when, with the saddened air of a man who had lost his grip on his reputation, Mr. TooTeR WILLIAMS and the odor of a Bowery cigar entered together. ““Whad de madder, Toot?” inquired Mr. SmitH with the easy familiarity of a man in luck. ‘Yo’ looks ‘spondent.”” “*T done loss dat sixty-fo’ dollahs I winned on de hoss race,” responded Mr. WILLIAMS, gloomily. “Sho !" exclaimed everybody present. ‘* Yezzah,” continued Mr. WILLIAMS, addressing himself ex- clusively to Mr. Smrru, “ an’ I done loss it in bettin’ agin’ mokes, too. Dat’s whad makes de remorse bite. The deepest interest having been aroused, Mr. WILLIAMS pro- ceeded to enlighten the members as follows : ‘* T was stannin’ in a do’ on Sixth Aveyou, an’ up comes a wite man ina plug hat, an’ sezee, ‘Why 4ce/-lo, Mister ROBINSON, how is yo.’” “ Bunko,” remarked Mr. SMITH, with the air of one who had had experience. “Dat's whad / thought,” said Mr. WiLLIAMS, “bud I kept shet. So I sez to him, ‘ How is yo'?"” ““* Tse a stranger yar, Mister ROBINSON,’ sezee, ‘an’ I mus’ say I never did see so many mokes togidder as dey is on Sixth Aveyou. Dey’s mo’ mokes dan wite pussons.’ ‘Oh no,’ sez I, ‘dey ’s mo’ wite pussons dan mokes.’ ‘I'll bet yo’ two to one dey isn’t,’ sezee. ‘All right,’ sez 1. So off he goes an’ comes back wid a fren’ who weighed "bout two hunded, an’ had a bad eye.” Yo" had a sof’ spec,” observed Mr. SmiTH. “Den,” continued Mr, WILLIAMS, not noticing the interrup- tion, ‘*sezee, ‘ Now we ‘Il bofe put up a hunded dollahs wif dis genelman, and stan’ yar in de do’. Every wite man passes, he ‘Il give yo’ two dollahs, an’ every moke passes, he ‘ll give me a dollah.’” “Well!” said Mr, Smit, who was growing excited. “* Well ! fust dey comes along two wite men, and de man wif de bad eye says dat was fo’ dollahs to my credit. Den comes six wite men an’ he say dat 's twelve dollahs mo’ for me. Den comes along a buck niggah and den I lose a dollah, Den fo’ wite men an’ I win eight. Den fo’ wite men mo’; den one niggah ; den two niggahs, den seven wite men, and de man wif de bad eye, he say I was fohty-two dollahs ahead.” “ De soffes’ lay I ever hear,” said Mr. SMITH, whose eyes were glistening over Mr, WILLIAMs’ winnings. «Den comes along fo’ wite men,” said Mr. WILLIAMS, and de man wif a bad eye he say dat was eight dollahs mo’, an’ den——" here Mr, WILLIAMS paused, as if his recollections had overpower- ed him, “An den?” echoed everybody, wildly excited. ““Why, den,” said Mr. WILLIAMs, desperately, ‘dey comes around de cornah——" “De cops ?” breathlessly asked Mr. Samiti. “A niggah funer'l,” said Mr. WILLIAMS. . . e HAT a Baltimore man should have been selected to award the mule prize at the Horse Show, will, it is believed, set reconstruction back fifteen years. *. * * EXTRACTS from Editorials of our highly esteemed cuntem- poraries on the circulation question : ‘* MERELY pausing to pleasantly remark that the editor of the New York is a liar, we," ete.—M. Y. Times, “ For Mr. , who runs the New York , to speak the truth or be decent in his habits, is a moral, mental and phys- ical impossibility." —V. Y. Tribune, “Our loathsome and slimy contemporary, the New York ——, says recently, in a brazen and impudent aph, that,” etc,— WY. World, nee pa “Ir the purulent idiot who wrote the above, and who runs his vile sheet in the interest of,” etc.—Herald. “ Let the ramshackle paralytic who edits the New York —, produce from his office a handsomer man than Mr. HOLMAN, and we will give him five dollars."—. Y. Sun. comicbooks.com