Life, 1883-10-11 · page 6 of 16
Life — October 11, 1883 — page 6: what you’re looking at
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# "Story of the M.S.P.C.A. and the Tiger" This is a satirical fable mocking the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA, here called M.S.P.C.A.). The story depicts an ASPCA member in an African forest encountering a tiger. Rather than flee, the member obsessively tries to pick a leaf from a tree—ostensibly to examine it—while the tiger waits patiently for eleven days. The satire targets the ASPCA's pedantic, rule-bound approach to animal welfare. The tiger represents natural animal behavior; the ASPCA member represents misguided humanitarian intervention that prioritizes bureaucratic procedure over practical reality. The joke: the organization's genteel New York sensibilities prove absurdly useless against genuine danger. The moral warns that excessive concern for animals can become comically disconnected from common sense.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
176 STORY OF THE M.S.P.C.A. AND THE TIGER. A MEMBER of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals was one day walking in an African forest, when he encountered a tiger coming rapidly towards him. The M.S. P. C. A., belonging to one of the most aristocratic families of old New York, sought to repel the familiar advances of the stranger by the hauteur of his bearing. Now when an inhabitant of the African forest desires to display a great deal of hauteur, he proceeds to climb the most convenient elevation he can find, and this usually turns out to be atree, The faster he climbs, and the taller the tree is, the more freezing is his behavior to be regarded. Our M.S. P.C. A. accordingly danced lightly up a caoutchouc tree,and pre- tended when the tiger came along that he had risen to that height in or- der to picka curious look- ing leaf which rested among the topmost branches. He believed that the tiger seeing him. thus engaged would pass on without disturbing him. The tiger, however, proved to be a poor, country-bred tiger, quite unac- quainted with the forms of good soci- ety ; so notwithstanding the manifest preoccupation of the M.S. P.C. A., the discourteous beast sought to enlist him in con- versation. NE ee NG ETA a *LIFE-: “Tell me, sir,” said the tiger, “why you thus avoid me.” At these words the M.S. P.C. A. left off picking the leaf, and looked down with an air of surprise. “My worthy frjend,” said he, “I am so short-sighted that I failed to see you coming, but observing a curious- looking leaf at the top of this tree, I climbed hither to gather it.” By these words the M. S. P. C. A. betrayed his agitation, for he lied so abominably that the tiger must have conceived a boundless contempt for the educational facilities of New York City. The tiger, however, suppressing an inclination to sneer, addressed the M.S. P.C. A. in his most seductive manner, “If you failed to see me then,” purred the tiger, “now that you do see me, pray come down, and let us engage here below in sweet social converse.” “Ah, no,” sighed the M. S. P. C. A., “that may not be, for it will probably take me about eleven hours to pick this curious leaf, and heaven forbid that I should detain you so long.” But the tiger very obligingly volunteered to wait. When the eleven hours had passed by, and the M. S. P. C. A., in spite of his earnest activity, had failed to finish picking the leaf, the tiger mildly expostulated with him, representing that darkness was rapidly com- ing on, and speaking with touching pathos of the domestic anxiety which his long absence from home must have occasioned. Still for four days the M.S. P. C. A. continued his indefatigable exertions in picking the leaf without completing the task. During all this time the tiger waited with unexampled patience, so eager was he to enjoy the sweets of social converse. The sixth day was drawing to its close before the M. S. P. C. A. ventured to admit that the tiger's room would be preferable to his company. Thereupon the tiger became quite naturally exasperated, but refused to depart. Finally the M.S. P. C. A. frankly declared that as a Member of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals he could not conscientiously detain the tiger any longer. The tiger, on his part, declared that if the gentleman up the tree was really what he said, he could not conscientiously refuse to come down, and relieve the suffering of one who had eaten nothing but a seidlitz powder in fourteen days. The novelty of this suggestion surprised the M. S. P. C. A., and led him to question the soundness of his principles. But he is still up the tree. Mora : Tigers should not monkey with Mr. Berg. HINC ILL LACHRYMA. “ The test of affection 's a tear.”"—Brron, Ay TEAR-DROP hung like a pear! On the fringe of her drooping lid, And I kissed her, my own sweet girl, While her fan her deep blushes hid. “Why so sorrowful, dear? If you knew How I love you!"—I gasp with a sigh. “0, you goose, I’m not weeping for you,” Quoth the maid; “ J Aave sand im my exe /*