Life — August 30, 1883 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AUGUST 30TH, 1883. VOL. II. 1155 BRoapway, New York. Published every Thursday, $5 a year in advance, postage free. Single copies, 10 cents. ROTHER DANA is excited. ‘ Why,” he irrelevently inquires inthe New York Sun, “why, oh why will men thus turn the world into hell?” Be calm, man, Collect yourself. It may be to roast out the Republican party. s 8 « “cc J SEE that Vesuvius is in a state of violent activity, and that an eruption may be expected at any minute. I know how this is myself."—S. %. 7. s # © M“40r SAMUEL HAWKINS, late president of a Selma, Alabama, bank, was suddenly seized with a migratory spirit four years ago, leaving a wife, three children and several hundred depositors, to mourn their loss. From recently discovered evi- dence it appears that the Major’s first tour included Indian Ter- ritory, the Pan Handle of Texas, and the lower border of New Mexico, and thence by the right bank of the Rio Grande and the waters of the Pecos, passed he into Arizona, and settled as the Rev. Josiah Williams within the corporate limits of King-Full, on the Gila River. King-Full was considered by even the most sanguine Baptists of that section to be about as close to the jaws of Gehenna as a town could reasonably be. Its inhabitants mined by day and played poker by night; the Mayor ran a faro bank, and the Aldermen kept saloons which would disgrace any centre of civilization outside of New York. For nine years no minister of the Gospel had dared to venture within gunshot of King- Full but one, and he returned to his flock within a week wear- ing a spring suit of soft asphalt trimmed with dishearteningly frequent feathers, besides having two calibre 44 leaks in his vitality which eventually led his family into an insurance liti- gation and himself into a cemetery. When the Mobile detectives who had followed Major Hawkins’ tortuous course arrived on the Gila and heard that he had entered King-Full as a minister of the Gospel, they abandoned the trail and reported back that he had committed suicide—a verdict in which the most eminent citizens of Western New Mexico concurred. For two years nothing further was heard of the case. A fortnight ago, how- ever, a battered stranger was tenderly lifted from an ambulance at Fort Wingate, and conveyed into the surgical ward of the hospital. His nose was gone, and scallops fringing what was once the base of that noble prominence, suggested that the amputation had been of a violent and carnivorous character. His left ear was skewed backwards, and his right was missing altogether. He accounted for the loss of his seven front teeth by the simple statement that he had swallowed them in a hurry, The post surgeon did not think the seven bowie knife wounds in the back were necessarily fatal, unless inflam- mation set in from the two gunshot wounds in the right side, or pyemia resulted from the broken thigh, but concurred in the opinion of the hospital steward that the greatest danger lay in the cluster of buckshot which at present inhabited the sick It was. solemn moment. The chaplain inquired the invalid’s name, and, as he had been in the Territory some little while, was not surprised when he heard it was the Rev. Josiah Williams. The rough-handed but simple-hearted natives told the rest. For a while, the Rev, Josiah, after his arrival in King-Full, had instructed his Sunday-schools in the art of sing- ing hymns and turning a jack from the bottom of the pack, and had, in his sermons intermingled picty and draw-poker with a zeal and discretion which drew crowds to his place of worship. Pursuing this plan of salvation, he prospered. He taught a Bible class Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, and lectured on Keno, with practical illustrations, on the off nights. But with his suc- cess came shortsightedness. Blindly confident in his influence and popularity, he undertook to give a church fair, with grab- bag, beauty polls, clam stew and all other orthodox trimmings. It was more than King-Full could stand. s 8 «¢ «¢ GENATOR VEST was kicked by a mule yesterday."— Correspondence Chicago Times, Is Mr. Vest training for "84? man’s liver. e 8 @ cs HE Kalamazoo Gazette has pronounced in favor of Mr. Tilden."—New York Sun, That settles it. The R. P. m. g. * 68 « Ovr highly esteemed contemporary the Mew York World printed last Friday the following very startling intelligence: ‘A WILD DELUSION, ‘The editor of Tue Wortp is a very gallant man,” e 8 «¢ “ce I HAVE cut my hair and I have written a play, and still I fail to please. But genius cannot be crushed. I shall go in training for a slugging match and open a bar."—Oscar Wilde. es 8 6 HE Fenians have a new explosive—a white powder which detonates only on contact with water.—M. Y. Times. Hence it will be perfectly safe for Fenians to carry. es es 6 HE whole sky was tinged a ghastly green, and mass¢s of clouds were swept here and there in gigantic circles. Wherever it was possible people took to their cellars, and in no case where this was done was a life lost.—A’. Y. Sun. This at first sounds as though Murat Halstead had taken to the stump. But it happened in Minnesota, and was only a cyclone, comicbooks.com