Life — August 2, 1883 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

52 TALES OF TWO CITIES. Ay VERY nice girl of Milwaukee Was always excessively talky, But when she was wes Was mum as the dead, And her husband declared she was balky. A cruel old wretch in Chicago, Refusing to let his wife's jaw go, She got a divorce As a matter of course, And showed him how far could the law go. Epwarp WILLETT. THE SEASON AT NOODLE- POR’ (FROM OUR SOCIETY CORRESPONDENT). AS the season advances Noodleport becomes more and more attractive and gayety is ever on the increase. In- vitations continue to pour in from all { nd for all sorts of entertainments, } from “ Guess Parties ” to “Casino Hops” and “ Tennis Balls.” The Guess Parties are the most i amusing of the evening entertainments, | this year. They were invented by the Noodleport Dude Association. The i number of invitations is limited to one } hundred persons, selected of course from i the créme-de-la-créme of Noodleport So- ciety. En passant it might be well to quote young Wittiebrains’ last don-mot that “it is not strange that there should THE BELLE OF THE WOODS. be so many milk-sops among the créme- ae-la-créme.” The guests assemble and have a dance from nine until ten when a supper is served. Imme- diately after supper the humorous part of the affaire 1 comes. A live Dude is placed on a table in the centre | of the room and the assembled multitude try to guess i what it is. The one who guesses correctly gets the Dude. ‘There are many handsome turnouts here, and every i afternoon at five o'clock the Oshun Drive and Swellview | Avenue present a very animated scene. The charm- ‘| ing Mrs. William Kay drives a spanking team of chest- i nuts to her pheton. Mrs. William Kay has introduced the English custom of having her footman stand on i a small platform in the rear of her carriage. Rumor has it that when Mrs. William Kay first came here she had i a small tiger to stand there, but the Madame drove so fast and the boy was so light that his feet were wafted in the air like a pennant on the foremast of a yacht. i The boy complained that he had his top-boots blown i off every afternoon and experienced much difficulty | in hanging on to the carriage, with his body “unfurled | to the breezes.” I notice that a heavy Englishman with pig-iron weights on his feet stands there now. | While driving yesterday with Mme. Basnoir your correspondent noticed Lord Noland taking his fiancée Miss Bertie-Bart who is, par richesse, the heiress of the season, out for an airing on his drag. After dinner I met his Lordship coming out of the Casino, and in course of my chat with him, remarked that I had seen him driving his coach, and as the evening wore on he became very confidential. “ Ya—y—ya—as ! I—aw—saw you—dwiving s'— awftnoon. But ye know that—dwag—aw—ain’t mine, doncher give it away—though. Ye—see, we fellaws— gvah in—aw—London get blawsted ‘ard up—aw—at times, ye know, so when we're in—aw—funds we—aw— subscribe ye see to the—aw—Amewican Club. Now the—aw—Amewican Club, ye know, owns all these— aw—dwags we fellaws dwive. When we lose—aw—all of our—cash, the—aw—Club, doncher see, pays our— aw—expenses ovah heah and we—aw—use the dwags and the Club’s money until we can—aw—mawwy an heirwess ! Then, doncher see, we—aw—endow the er— aw—Club. Ya—as! Seen Black's ‘ Yolande’? Ya—as. Well—aw—that ‘Il explain how we Lawds—aw—are wegarded ovah theah. No ‘count, ye know. Sowwy, but it ’s—aw so! Amewica is the—aw—place f’rus, doncher know. F'yer want to mawwy an—aw— heirwess ovah heah—aw—buy a—aw—title and it ’s— aw—all wight, ye know. G'devening.” Polo is in full blast. The game last Saturday was intensely exciting owing to an accident that happened to Jack Longpocket who was playing beautifully for the blues. He and young de Groom were running comicbooks.com