Life — July 26, 1883 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JULY 267TH, 1883. 1155 BRoapway, New York. Published every Thursday, $5 a year in advance, postage free. Single copies, 10 cents, {aF-Subscribers leaving town for the summer may have their copies forwarded by sending their summer address in full to this office. THE Western Union forwards its despatches by mail during the strike, and Brooklyn persons are thus enabled to get their New York telegrams seven hours sooner. In many of the Western Union offices the sign ‘* No Tick" is now significantly posted. . © @ HE majority of the operators now doing Western Union work are something like rolling stones. They gather very little Morse, as it were. es 8 6 ISS LEGAL DOLLAR: “T am worth more than you ares anyhow.” Miss Trave Dottar: “/ don't care. [And each thinks the other fibs.] e 8 6 “THE cats comprising the Back-fence Opera Company of Brooklyn, Unlimited, are about to abandon their concerts, not being able to compete with the Salvation Army. I weigh more.” EORGE WASHINGTON may have been the Father of his country, but of the Democratic party Mr. Tilden is un- doubtedly the Mummy. es 2 THE cloak-makers now out on a strike will not be interfered with by the pelisse. es 8 « R. ABRAHAM JEWETT, of Selina, Mo., went down with yellow fever in New Orleans in 1878 ; wrestled with small-pox that same winter in St. Louis; quarrelled with a buzz- saw in Louisville in 1880, and lost a leg ; indulged in a runaway in Chicago in '81, to the detriment of his collar-bone ; was blown up on the Ohio River two months later, and figured conspicu- ously in a rough-and-tumble with a cyclone near his old home last year. Now he turns up smiling, after having been struck by lightning in Canton, Mississippi, and is running for office on the Democratic ticket. Some persons are hard to satisfy. THE good work done by Judge Hoadly in Ohio entitles him to the thanks of every true Republican in the country. se e@ «@ R. DANA still believes in going for Hayes while the Sun shines. * 8 ¢& Azur 42,000 persons were killed in India by snakes during the past twelve months, and yet it is claimed that the Hindoos are a temperate people. ° * * WE at pleased to learn that Mr. Hubert O’Thornpson has no sympathy with the strike among the Chicago workers in steel, but is rapidly finishing his plans for the aqueduct. * 8 «¢ HAT our highly-esteemed contemporary, the New York Times, places Messrs. Roscoe Conkling, Rutherford B. Hayes and Carter H. Harrison among the possible candidates in "84, proves that it is a casuist of the infinitesimal school. Where do Denis Kearney and Robeson come in ? THE cigarette makers have struck and the cigarette smokers have not. This proves that not always does the man who has the worst of it how! first. * 8 ¢& THE local papers are trying to prove that the mastodon now being unearthed at Syracuse, N. Y, only 1730 years old, but Mr. Tilden says the last mastodon he remembers to have seen in that section died when he first entered into politics, As Josephus and Herodotus are silent on the subject, Mr, Tilden’s testimony is of considerable value. * € & OPE LEO has recently dropped into poetry and a volume of the infallible drivel has just been issued, With better sense and more real humanity than most poets exhibit, however, his Holiness has written his verses in Latin which nobody but Charles Francis Adams can read. We therefore hail the volume asa step in the right direction. ‘THAT Bishop Knudson of Salt Lake should have attempted to slay two of his wives by clandestinely exploding five pounds of dynamite under their bed, is a noteworthy example of scientific progress in episcopal circles, but at the same time a proof that the Bishop was most criminally, recklessly and uselessly extravagant. Five pounds of dynamite will render unserviceable the best bed ever made, and besides prussic acid would have been cheaper and less likely to disturb the neighbors, comicbooks.com