Life — June 21, 1883 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

* LIFE: On® night our gardener Pat, ame home in ancther man’s hat "Be $errah ! queth he “To think that a shpre® Guld shwell me head up like that!” Oscar WILDE has cut his hair.—AMail and Express. SCAR WILDE has cut his hair! Sound the trumpet, beat the snare- Drum, and let the bugle Oscar Wilde has cut his hair! Oscar Wilde has cut his hair ! Let the joyous beacons flare, And the rockets pierce the air— Oscar Wilde has cut his hair ! Oscar Wilde has cut his hair! Let a yearning thrill the fair sthetes who a lock would wear— Oscar Wilde has cut his hair ! Oscar Wilde has cut his hair! And has bought an ordinar- Y pair of—that is, a pair— And creation doesn't care Asingle, oriental, continental or beaver's dam if he ‘has cut his hair, There, now | Wates thinks it about time Victoria Regina should rejine her Albert. ARTHUR SULLIVAN’s name is now in the Blue Book, and his social position is azured. Mr. ALExis CAMPBELL was locked up by the St. Louis police last Wednesday because, after nine sherry cobblers, he couldn't walk or stand straight. It was the last straw, you see, that broke the Campbell’s back. THE GRANGER'S DOG. “ OWN, Time!” said the Granger, kicking his dog so that it ran yelping across the yard. “Time ? What a peculiar name for a dog,” said the Drummer. “Where did you get it?” “ Wal, the tarnal beast is all the time a runnin’ off unless he’s tied up, an’ you know ‘Time untied waits for no—.’"’ That Granger is at rest, and the Drummer always relates his murderous experience with a smiling jaw. J.K.B. Do att manufacturers of toys do a rattling business? Because a 20 inch Krupp gun gets dirty when fired, can it be called a fouling piece ? HOW TO MAKE A MARSDEN PLAY, ‘TAKE a virtuous young gentleman, his haughty mother-in- law, and jealous young bride, a dying old lady, a will, a dose of laudanum, a gossiping nurse, and a wicked man-servant. Mix with an aspiring profligate heir-at-law, his rascally toady, a good-natured family lawyer, a suspicious artist, a bride, Flavor with an illustrator of a comic paper, a perfect jewel of a wife, with her mamma, the old nurse above-mentioned transformed to a gossiping housekeeper. Stir well together these ingredients, and serve up around a charming and innocent young lady—de- voted as a daughter, and cruelly suspected as a wife, who, with- out having done anything whatever to deserve such treatment, has to stand everybody’s browbeating, take everybody’s crimes on her shoulders, to be the object of everybody's suspicions, and the victim of every roud's wicked designs. Let this young lady sce her father, the lawyer, steal and burn the will, and learn that in so doing he has virtually murdered her friend and benefactress—and not tell it. Let her be accused of the crime—and not confess who did it. Let her escape and wan- der away, determined to commit suicide, and come across an ss- thetic young artist, who has tumbled thirty feet over a precipice. Let her fall in love with him, and be married—and not tell of it. Let her become an object of suspicion to this ungrateful man, be questioned, abused, and insulted—all but turned out of doors by her husband—and not say anything. Let her meet the aspirin; rofligate heir-at-law, be treated insolently by him—and not tel Rer husband, Let her be snubbed. and tyrannized over by the haughty mother-in-law and the jealous young wife—and quietly endure it. Finally, let everybody forgive her, and let her forgive everybody, and, to conclude, let her be informed that she is some- body else’s daughter, without any proof except the strawberry on her left arm, comicbooks.com