Life — May 24, 1883 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HE BUMMER’S PLAINT. COM- IC jacet, glory 4 Mond’y, There’s no rum sold a Sund’y, The law’s a hum, Cried the choleric bum. I could drink up the Bay of Fundy. Salt fish we eat a Friday, Makes Saturday a dry-day, And I’m shaky and glum, When Sunday ’s come ; Cant swallow a crumb that high- day. Were it not for Granny Grundy, I’d not be barred a Sund’y, But at bars get rum And swig and bum. . Well, I'll guzzle some on Mond’y. G. BumsLe Bee. Tue Chicago Tribune says: “Jefferson Davis has eaten more crow than any may Jiving.”—This must certainly be charged to the account of the lost caws. Pontius Pirate, Judas Iscariot and King Herod are now suing Salmi Morse for back pay. This may after all put Salmi in a Passion. Tue Manhattan has a new cover, but is not yet as well dressed as it deserves to be. It improves. We wish it success. McMitian & Co. publish “Some of Asop’s Fa- bles” with pictures showing the modern application, as well as illustrating the original tales. Twenty folios are given with four pictures to each. As a modern instance of The Fox and the Crow is given a suitor, who, having flattered a chaperone into singing, takes her place on the sofa and is seen kissing the girl’s hand. The drawings are by Rudolph Caldecott, whose name is sufficient assurance of their merit. Mr. Harry Epwarps, comedian, has published an amusing book of light literature, containing sketches on various subjects and called “A Mingled Yarn.” Mr. Edwards is a learned entomologist, and yet this book is no hum-Bug. “UNDER GREEN APPLE Boucus” is Helen Camp- bell’s last novel. ‘This seems to imply a small boy and a good deal of trouble and ginger and things. - LIFE: SERENADING. OW to deal with the loathsome vice of serenading is a delicate and often a difficult question. What Mr. Joun B. Goucu calls “mor- al suasion” is rarely of any use. You may talk to the offender with the utmost kind- ness and earnest- ness. You may “ assure him that serenading de- stroys the peace and happiness of innocent and help- less people, and degrades the ser- enader below the level of any of the brutes, with the sglitary exception of the cat. You may even point out to him, among his friends or acquaintances, men who were rigidly pure and upright, but who fancying that there could be no harm ina little serenading, have gradually become instructed to the guitar, the flute, or even the ear and soul destroying cornet. The wretched sere- nader will listen to you respectfully or otherwise, as the case may be, but he will refuse to abandon his vice, and will after exhibit a shameless and open defiance of de- cency which cannot but fill the virtuous mind with hor- ror. Here and therea solitary serenader may be turn- ed from the error of his way by moral suasion, but as a rule it is worse than useless. Forcible measures for the suppression of serenaders have often been tried and with varying success. Much good has been done by throwing large and heavy bou- quets of flowers at serenaders. A father, a brother, or even the serenaded young lady herself, has sometimes hurled one of these missiles with such excellence of aim and potency ‘of force as to completely break a violin or “a guitar. When thrown at the cornet that fiendish instru- ment is sometimes driven with such violence against the mouth of the player as to cut his lips and tempor- arily render him unfit for crime. But supplies of heavy bouquets cannot always be kepton hand in regions infested by serenaders, and they can never be made effective against either singers or flute players. Buckets of water cdn also be made to do good exe- cution. The difficulty as to their use is that it gener- ally exasperates the serenaders to the point of using bad language, and gives them a pretext to complain that they have not been treated civilly. It is true that cold and clean water is seldom fatal when poured upon a serenader from a second story window, but it should not be used unless the user is perfectly willing to quarrel with the offender. As to boiling water, which has often been used in Western towns with the result of instantly putting a stop to the most boisterous serenade, it should comicbooks.com