Life — May 17, 1883 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GOOD PHILOSOPHY. Dows in the meadow the grass was green And buds were red on the maple tree, And far to the south we saw the sheen Of the luminous, purple sea : We stood alone in the mossy porch, Of the ancient house that was her home ; And the sun shone like a golden torch, Where the clouds were white as foam Ah, but we spooned in the mellow glow, For her red, ripe lips were warm and sweet, And words were easy to say, you know, And the hours were very fleet : And vows were made as the sun went down, And feet would linger, despite old time, And the lonely way that led to town, When the curfew bell should chime. And her name, what was'it, Maud or May ? For the grass is green, the maple red, And a long, long year has fled away Since those sweet vows were said. Her husband and she are lately gone To Paris, or Moscow, what matter which ? For my name, you see, is simply John, And he’s Count Stephanlasitch. I know that her face was sweet and fair, ‘That her lips were red like cherries are, ‘That the sun made gold amid her hair, And her eyes shone like a star. But unless I err, the meadow path Holds just as dainty a maid as she; And why should I nurse despair and wrath, When a new love waits for me ? Tos, S. Coir. BOTTLE, JUDKINS’ BOY. H ACKMENS has the soft- est thing in the bizness! They haint got nothin’ to do but look hump-shouldered and chaw tobacker and wait. Hack- mens all looks like detectives, and keeps still, and never even spits when you walk past ‘em. And they're allus cold. A hackman that stands high in the p'fession can wear a over- coat in dog days, and then look chilly and like his folks was all dead but the old man, and he wasa drunkard. Ef a hackman would only be a blind fiddter he'd take in more money than a fairground! Hackmens never gives nothin’ away. You can trust a hackman when you can't trust your own mother, Some people thinks when they hire a hack to take "em some place that the hackman has got some old grudge agin ‘em—but he haint—he’s allus thataway. He loves you, but he knows his place, and smothers his real feelings. In life’s giddy scenes hackmens all wears a mask ; but down deep in their eart you can bet they are youm till deth! Some hackmens looks like they was stuck up, but they aint—it’s only ‘cause they ton so much clothes. Onc’t a hackman was stabbed by a tiend of his in the same bizness, and when the doctors was seein’ how bad he was karved up, they found he had on five shurts. Jones (a wealthy prohibitionist, who is giving a dinner to Parcher on strictly temperance principles): JOHN, 1T 1S VERY CLOSE IN HERE. OPEN SOMETHING ? Parcher (with eagerness) : Can't you Yes! THAT’s A GOOD IDEA! OPEN A . They said that was all that saved his life. They said ef he'd only had on four shurts he’d a been adead man. And the hack- man hissef, when he got well, used to brag it was the clos’test call ever he had, and laid for the other hackman, and hit him with a car couplin’ and killed him, and come mighty nigh goin’ to the penitenchary fer it! Influenshal friends was all that saved him that time! No five shurts woulda done it! The mayor said that when he let him off, and brought down the house, and made his- sef a strong man fer another term. Some mayors is party slick, but a humble hackman may sometimes turn out to just as smooth! The only thing why a hackman don't show up no bet- ter is ‘cause he loses so much sleep. ‘That's why he allus looks like he had the headache, and didn’t care if he did. Onc’t a hackman was waitin’ in front of a hotel one morning, and was sorto dozin’ like, and fell off his seat. And they run and picked him up,-and he was unconshus ; and they worked with him till ‘way long in the afternoon ‘fore they found out he was jist asleep ; and he cussed fearful ‘cause they waked him up, and wondered why people couldn’t never ‘tend to their own bizness like he did. Ir seems to us, the circumstances of last Friday all considered, that to be a Democrat is somewhat un- lucky in White Plains, New Jersey. The White Plain- ers seem to appreciate Democrats. Is THE chief of the Apache Indians a Juh? This is Moses good as we can do. THE sign vis. is necessary to wit of some kinds. comicbooks.com