Life — April 26, 1883 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

194 porridge and a plate of pork and beans, and when he got up from the greasy table he was no longer hungry. Indeed, he felt like an anaconda who has swallowed a cow, and become comatose for the winter. He had not dined, he had simply shovelled in necessary fuel. As he was walking up the steps of the Astor House, he was slapped upon the shoulder by Slingsby, who cried to him : “It’s all right, Leverett, old man. She has accepted me. The parents consent. Everything is lovely. Come to Delmonico’s with me and we'll have the best dinner you ever had in your life.” Unpoputar Sotpiers —Private Pique and Corporal Punishment. How to avoid draughts.—Don’t take ‘em. Cupiprry.—Marrying for love and money both. ILLUSTRATED ADVERTISEMENTS. A Mippie-acep MAN would like to get work in akitchen. H. B., in care of 1 — East St.—Herald, - LIFE: “cc HE TENUIROSTRALS" is what Dr. Holmes is re- minded of by Emerson's choice of descriptive epithets. This is bad enough, but it might have been measles or even terebro-spinal_ meningitis.’ Mayor Harrison's choicg of epithets at the Iroquois Supper reminded his friends of things a great deal worse than the tenuirostrals. Mr. Emerson gets off easily. A MAN never knows what he is worth until he goes to law. Mr. Mark F. Bigney, editor of the New Orleans City /tem, was called 614 hard names in a local paper by one Mr. Van Benthuy- sen, His reputation having been thus wrecked, he sued for $50,000. The jury knocked off what they considered to be super. fluous valuation, and rendered a verdict for $47.50. This is still considered by the local papers to be about $47 too much. Wen Mrs. Van Dollar gives A dinner, or Mrs. De Peso a breakfast, or Mrs, Millefranc of Fifth Avenue a dinner, the daz- zled public is carefully informed next morning that it was “ served by Pinard."” This may have a very lofty sound in the ears of the hungry unwashed, but to the knowing it must seem a little strange that nabobs of Murray Hill who can spend $20,000 on a fortitre ure still so poor that they are compelled to have their meals cooked at a restaurant, and so unused to good fare that they afterwards boast of it. THERE seems to be a looseness in the connubial twist whenever a leading man of a New York theatre gets married, No sooner does the dismal chorus of the several Mrs. De Bellevilles die away in a divorce court than a vigorous howl from the bosom of Mr. George Tearle, alias ‘Osmond, the Imported,” sets the wild echoes flying. Is this an advertising scheme ? or is it really and truly a bold, bad scrape, or is it because no man is eligible for the exciting and principal roles at the Union Square or Wal- lack’s until he has several wives or has at least put aside one better half to take up another? In neither case is the publication of the affair creditable to journalism or to public taste, and we are surprised at the prominence given it by our usually dignified dailies. We do not believe the newspaper tale about the British curate who was instantaneously photographed while kissing by special request a girl who swore she loved him madly but invain. The story is that she sent him a copy of the photograph with word that the complete set of one dozen could be had for $1200. The whole story sounds unlikely. That the maiden pretended to love the curate and did not is improbable, because of the notorious dona fide weakness of young English women for curates. If she said that she loved him, it was probably true. Secondly : You cannot photograph a kiss. A running horse can be taken, but a kiss that is worth taking is 98 per cent. emotion and cannot be recorded, except, perhaps, by a stetho- scope. If he did kiss the girl, it was very good-natured of him, and he need not have minded it being known. If any one thinks it is any fun to kiss a young woman you don't know, he makes a mis- take. Emotion being wholly absent from such a salutation, nothing remains but proximity, which makes up only 2 per cent. of a real kiss. A man who would refuse so slight a boon as this to any good-looking girl who wished for it, must be greatly wanting in humanity, and, if a curate, would deserve to be un- frocked, comicbooks.com