Life — April 12, 1883 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BIOGRAPHETTES. vil. SUSAN CONKLING. This lady, who is America’s first and only professional beauty, was born at sea during the trial trip of the Pilgrims’ Line steamer Mayflower. In due time she attained her nineteenth year and has remained so ever since. During her travels in Rome and other portions of this State, she became interested in the obsolete form of worship known as the Eleusinian Mysteries. These rites were conducted by Roman ladies, to the exclusion of men, as likewise were those of the Bona Dea. Knowing one or two bony dears, Miss Conkling con- ceived the idea of reviving these rites of women—or women's rites ; altering them somewhat to suit the times. She popularized this movement to such an extent that, in less than forty years, more than a dozen persons already were enrolled under her banners, and still maintain their convictions, Exactly what the belief, forms, or ceremonies of the order are no one knows to this day ; but it is thought that they closely assimilate with those of the Ancient Order of Hibernians and the Psi Upsilon Kappa. The officers of the order are known to be: Grand President, Susan Conkling; Grand Vice-President, J. K. Hamilton Willcox; Grand Secretary, L, D. Blake; Grand Monitor, Rev. Dorgan Mix. Upon the boastful act of England last year—sending her fairest beauty to our dazzled shores—an act of national re.alia- tion became necessary, and Miss Conkling was appealed to by Congress to go and teach the haughty and stiff-necked Britons a lesson, She went. Cc. Mint Sauce.—Scurrilous remarks about the new five cent piece. ROSCOE B. ANTHONY. THs unfortunate suicide was directly descended, on his father's side, from the famous Anthony whose nose is still pointed A nose, gules, rampant on heraldric device of the Anthonys, con- y Richard Coeur de Lion at the battle of out to tourists on the upper Hudson, a field sable bein; the h ferred originally Manasses, young Roscoe was at an early age educated in its development, and so successfully that it remained his chief char- acteristic through life. At the age of twenty, Roscoe entered upon his studies of the law, and one year later his delighted father saw him at the bar, pleading a bonded liquor case before Judge Hoffman, at the Supreme Court on Twenty-fourth Street near Broadway. His cabscquent elevation was a matter of course, and in a few years he became a member of Congress, where his modesty, self-abasement, and disinterested patriotism won him deserved renown, Two years ago, however, his retiring disposition was sadly imposed upon by some designing politi- cians, who wished to possess themselves of the exclusive Govern- ment patronage. Among these was one who held the petty position of Chief Executive, and who had the bold impudence to tell Roscoe that, if he didn’t like it, he knew what he could do, or words to that effect. This was more than the sensitive nature of our hero could bear, and so, like the Romans of old, he went home, bit off his own famous nose, dined heavily on crow, sat on a can of powder, and blew his brains out. The sad affair cast a gloom over the entire Third Ward. Personally, Mr. Anthony was of a delicate build, straight- haired, and was shy asa girl in manner. It has been reported several times that his ghost has been seen on the streets and in the courts of this city; but, of course, this cannot be. Cc. comicbooks.com