Life — March 22, 1883 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

KEEPING HIS WORD. Hannah: AND PAT, WHAT ARE YE DOING? Pat: Wuist! Be Aisy, HANNAH. D1ipn'r I pRoM- IsE FATHER RYAN THATI’D NIV fOUCH A BOTTLE TO ME LIPS AGA AND I MANE TO KEEP MY WORD WITH HIS RIVEREN! S ‘TOR TABOR, during his thirty days in the U. S. Senate, a term none too brief, distinguished himself by getting married over again, just for cere- mony, to a bonny bride to whom he had been united six months before, and also by getting the autographs of his fellow senators in his bride’s album. The ex- Senator, by his entire conduct, has justified Swift's sar- casm that “One knows what the Almighty thinks of money by the kind of people he gives it to.” The au- tograph album in question is a great curiosity, and a few extracts from it will perhaps be interesting. 1. “When you extract a pearl from memory’s cas- ket think of Edmunds,” 2. “And the harbor bill is moaning.” Georgie F. Hoar. 3. “Who taught me to swing upon a cobweb ?—Sen- ator Tabor!” Davy Davis. 4. “The Rose is Red, the Violet's Blue, . ‘The Grass is Green, and So are You.” Geordie H. Pendleton. IN FOR 30 DAYS. 5. “30 Days have September” And no more has Mr. Tabor. Your senate-mate, Hal Dawes. 6. “Fare thee well, and if forever Good enough.” Johnny Logan. SOMETHING NEEDED. Jy a suit brought to recover damages for forcible ejectment from the Fifth Avenue Hotel, one of the witnesses for the defense deposes that the person cast out was behaving in a manner not compatible with the character of the hotel. The question naturally arises ; What is the precise grade of conduct which the character of the hotel requires? It is an appalling thought that a guest may inadverdently fall below the standard and be packed into the street with a damaged reputation. There ought to be some recognized model of deport- ment at the establishment on Madison Square, that guests from the country could imitate with the assur- ance that a moderately close approximation to his de- meanor would ensure them considerate treatment. If there is no present employee who could fill the posi- tion, we will be glad to recommend a young man for the place. Meanwhile we warn present and future guests that the business of the clerks is not to set the standard of behavior. Any mere layman who should imitate the haughty bearing of a 5th Avenue hotel clerk would de- serve to speedily be shown the door, and to be driven off to the Hoffman House or some other retreat which has a character less difficult to live up to. Among American dignities, Judges of the Supreme Court, Senators of the United States, and clerks of the Fifth Avenue Hotel rank as equal and as preéminent. Next come Bishops, Prize-fighters, Wall St. Brokers, Patent machine men, and Presidents of Colleges, and in due order, professional men, millionaires, base-ball players, commercial travellers and men of letters. The theory that there are no classes in America is a delusion of the N. Y. Sun. WHO DID IT. Not long ago it seemed as if all the prize-fighters of renown were dead, or behind bars—whether at Auburn or elsewhere. Suddenly Mr. Sullivan disputed with Mr. Ryan at New Orleans. Ever since slugging has been at a prem- ium, Superannuated shoulder-hitters have polished theirknuckles and come home with their young from foreign ports; Saul sits in the office of the Police Gazette, and reviews the succession of clever young Davids who are warranted to dismantle the Boston Goliath. Two bruisers cannot maul one another in a back street with- out a detailed account and columns of editorial com- ment by an enterprising press. Has our civilization reached a point parallel to that which saw the gladiators fight in Roman Amphithea- tres? No; we think not. We believe the rise in fight- ing stock is due not to increased demand for blood or bruises, but to a successful “ bull movement” ac hieved by an eminent editor of whom we are told—“ He drives a $10,000 horse ; he wears a sealskin coat; he has put up a seven story building and paid for it, and he has got the boodle, and don’t you forget it." Is it not a noble thing to be successful man and mould the public tastes ? comicbooks.com