Life — March 1, 1883 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ee ening pose. OW they want to put a prohibition clause into the Constitution of Maine. People are generally pretty far gone when their Constitutions require total abstinence ; but it was fondly hoped that Maine had already reformed. Tue inquiry concerning a candidate for a seat in the United States Senate now is not what he is worth ? but how much is he worth? WHEN the protection tariff tinkers go to work again, would it not be well to put a prohibitory duty on imported aldermen? WHEN we consider what a vast distance it is from the head of the Mississippi to its mouth, we can no longer wonder at the immensity of its cheek as displayed in the River and Harbor Bills, “Wu are you in such a hurry to go home?” one Frenchman asked another, who had recently arrived in New York, and had already bought a ticket for the return trip. “Ah, my friend, I return that I may become a member of the Cabinet.” “Indeed !_ What hope have you of that 2?” “They will have tried every other Frenchman by the time I get to Paris, and I must hurry to take my turn.” THE Chicago 7imes is authority for the statement that New York talks of establishing ,a ‘‘ College of Good Manners ; adds that ‘‘she would be obliged to import the teachers.” the wild, un- trammeled West to give lessons in the art of hiding the hands and feet and folding the ears. It's earlier every morning in Chicago than in New York, but every day is not so cold. example, she should bring the teachers from STYLE, The greatest Paris artist dresses Rose In mingled shades of red and yellow ; In ill-cut garb her wretched husband goes. MORAL, Wort makes woman ; the want of fit the fellow. But before the boy has even time to think of arrest- ing his arm the animal has assumed a slightly threat- Note the rapidity and decision of this motion. The careful reader will also observe that the boy is absent. There is no room for him in this Lire anyway. He has gone over to the next.—— Dr. SCHLIEMANN has unearthed, at the site of ancient Ilium, some shattered pipes that are still colored with lampblack and smell strongly of creosote. When he finds the prospectus of a steam-heating company, the destruction of the city will be fully accounted for. Ir is announced that Mr. Jay Gould will start next summer on a tour around the world. The announcement is probably true, as it was not made in Mr, Goull's reputed organ. He will be a sort of itinerant coroner, for he says he wants to view the remains of ancient civilization, and he may stop at Cyprus to dig up a few. Mr. Gould is in the habit of “ viewing remains:” and some- times he makes them, and sometimes he sits on them, and often he puts them under water. While he is absent looking for the remains of ancient civilization, a large number of remains of modern civilization will have had time to accumulate in this country for his use. “My wife's mother tells me,” said Gibbs, with a sad smile, “ that woman's work is never done, Zand I have cause to believe her. Her tongue / never ceases its work until her snores set in.” Ss THOUGHTS THAT BURN.—Rejected communi- cations. A CONCESSION. °T*IS common talk that Boston prides P Herself on being comme il faut, And all her sister towns derides About the things they do not know. “Her English is the most correct!"" “ Her wit alarms the dull New Yorker!” Some of her claims we must reject; But, Faith, her B-tl-r is a corker! T.D.W. BE RESPECTFUL to every one, no matter what his or her position may be in the world. Never, for instance, ask your washerwoman where she “‘ hangs out.”” comicbooks.co