Life — February 15, 1883 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: “Then Iook into the drawer now,” said the re- porter. The book-keeper did sc, and found there $15 in bills of different denominations, but the odd cent was not to be found. “Well, I declare !” he exclaimed. “You see,” said the reporter, “that peddler started to come in, and he saw the sign on the door, ‘ No Ped- dlers Admitted,’ and he backed out, and the draught from the storm-doors knocked out the book-keeper and he struck his chin against the blotting-paper drawer in falling, and closed it, and he hasn’t looked in it since, and there’s your robbery, and your cut on the chin, and your missing $5 that was blown into the drawer and there’s your clue.” The inspector reported that through the energy of the police the greater part of the stolen property had been recovered ; and the book-keeper’s employers an- nounced that they had always had the greatest confi- dence in him, and that they would cheerfully make up the amount of money still missing. Micuaet Angelo Titian Von Muller Was an elegant dabster in color ; He had only to paint A tall stork or a saint To elope with the esthetic cruller. ny ay 4 diel Both his method and style were unique, With a spatter, a daub and a streak, He would paint you with ease A neat dado or frieze, Early English, Pompeiian, or Greek. Horticutturat Note.—We learn that a very scien- tific gardener has recently succeeded in planting a blow on his employer’s nose. A BaD lot.—The lot you have to pay taxes on and can’t sell. THE sense of touch appears to surpass in delicacy that of sight, inasmuch as many young men go about pulling at moustaches which nobody can see. Peopte with plenty of money, though not always well-bred, are pretty sure to be well buttered. HOW IT WAS. (Scene:—Breakfast after a child's party.: Confidential Semale elder cousin and Master Frank, aged fourteen.) “Now WHY Is IT YOU ARE ALL SO WILD AFTER Mary SETON?” “WELL, YOU SEE, SHE LOOKS AT YOU ONCE AND YOU DON’T NOTICE HER; SHE LOOKS AT YOU TWICE AND YOU DON’T THINK MUCH ABOUT IT; BUT SHE LOOKS AT YOU THE THIRD TIME—AND YOU'RE ALL GONE.” A New Jersey journal remarks that, “at the expira- tion of the present Congress, Mr. Robeson will retire from active politics.” ‘This is a mistake, we fancy. Speaking more nearly by the card, active politics will retire from Mr. Robeson. AS TO THE CENSUS. sé FZAMILY MAN”: You are wrong in your figures. The Tenth Census so far has not cost ‘‘a dollar apiece for each inhabitant.” That would foot up something like $55,000,000, in- stead of the $5,503,624.61 which has been the outlay to date—with several prospective appropriations yet tohearfrom. This is only tencents a head for each man, woman and child, but even at that rate, there is money to be made in counting people. You cannot see why one “ must be obliged to be censused,” whether he will orno. Perhaps you would prefer the ten cents to spend for to- bacco or whiskey, and not be censused at all; but we must all sacrifice ourselves at times for the general good—as we do now in answering questions which some other ignorant person might have asked if you had not got in ahead of him. People who refuse to be “ vaccinated at their own expense, have to have that operation performed for them for the protection of the com- munity. And, it must be admitted, this census appears to be a neat and thoroughly efficacious way of vaccinating the taxpayers. comicbooks.com co