Life — February 1, 1883 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE FATE OF THE BRINDLED GNU. ORTH sailed from port the pirate craft; Her colors were black and blue ; Brass guns nine-pound along her frowned, And her name was the Brindled Gnu. Her captain bold was a dry-goods clerk ; His name was Lehigh Cole ; The iron of a quite stupendous blight Had entered into his soul. His salary was a foolish thing, Inadequate to the wants Of one of those who love to pose In first-class restaurants, He saw the window glasses stained, And the lustre streaming wide ; He smelled the drink and heard the clink Of the goblets—from outside ! God pity those whose souls aspire To things that may never be; The fervid soul of Lehigh Cole Was bothered grievously. At last in recklessness he bought— z His misexy to appease— | A pair of boots of the style that suits | A pirate of the seas. And then he chartered him a ship, And gathered an outlaw crew ; And thus, alas ! it came to pass That there was a Brindled Gnu. He sailed up into Newark bay, By way of an episode, When some hirelings braw let down the draw Of the Jersey Central Road. That was years ago; the Gnu Still sails that lonely bay, And the captain knows and the crew suppose That she never can get away. By day the timid clammers fly Whenever she draws near; It is by night a painful sight To mark her scrimped career. The chilled and fevered natives point Out ever as thing of dole The Brindled Gnu with her pirate crew, And her Captain, Lehigh Cole. E. D. B. TUM-TUM. [x moments of strong feeling, the civil- ized eesthete and the untutored abor-, iginal draw near each other in expression. We are told in a late Af/antic of an Ore- gon Indian girl, who resisted the blandish- ments of white men until she met one Pomeroy. As soon as she met him, she surrendered, because she knew he was her “tum tum man.” This phrase ought to havea success. When Frederic, gazing really “too too,” she'll promptly answer bul sings its plaintive “boo boo," they'll plan to build their little hum, hum. A BLIGHTED BEING. Who is this young man? REJECTED. Does he feel badly? HE SUFFERS INEXPRESSIBLE ANGUISH. What does he take for it? CIGARETTES. Do they diminish his pain? TEMPORARILY ; BUT THEY WILL FLOOR: HIM IF HE KEEPS ON, Is it wise for him to smoke them? OW, NO; BUT HE 1S NOT TRYING VERY HARD TO BE WISE, HIS AMBITION IS MORE MODERATE. HE WILL BE SATISFIED IF HE CAN KEEP FROM MAKING A DREADFUL FOOL OF HIMSELF. What is in the bottle? Rum, Does he drink much of it? Nor mucu. Why not? Does he not love it? YES, HE LOVES RUM DEARLY; BUT HE IS Wi NOUGH TO KNOW THAT IF HE TAKES MUCH OF IT HIS MODERATE AMBI- TION IS NOT LIKELY TO BE SATISFIED. Js, then, the young man doing well? FAIRLY WELL. And does he think he will feel better after a time? THINK SO NOW, : But will he? It Is HE WHOM THE PRUDENT MAIDEN HAS No, HE DOES NOT HE WILL. “O, my tum tum!” Then, while the bul- of forty-five as “ fondly on fair Lulu, tells her that she’s == = : SS Doystrut compliment.—Having your health proposed at the age a promising young man.” A Poor RELATion (especially to be avoided).—Telling a story badly. comicbooks.com