Life — February 1, 1883 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

nn tl QUIXOTE AND THE INTERVIEWERS. HIS TESTIMONY ON CORNERS, GR HEN Don Quixote ar found himself incarce- rated in the cell of a police-station, he look- ed about him, and be- gan to utterencomiums on the place. ‘* What a happy Republic!” he cried. “This, I take it, is one of those halls where you confine legislators in order that they may meditate on the most desirable laws. An admirable arrangement !" We had to break it to him gently that, though many of the persons he alluccd to ought to be there, they were absent from their post, “Shame upon those recreant knights!" he exclaimed. “Doubtless, then, they are feasting somewhere at the public ex- pense, when they should be availing themselves of the privilege here afforded. This contrivance of bars is excellent for keeping off intruders.” And he shook the grating behind which he had been locked, as if rejoicing in its protection. Just at that moment, however, ashadow fell upon the floor at the foot of the steps we had descended. I knew by its inky hue that it must be the shadow of an interviewer. This proved to be the case ; and behind him stood a second interviewer ; behind him a third, and soon, A policeman at the top of the stairs told us that the line extended to the street, and that it could be seen gathering numbers as much as a block away. “ They're comin’ thick,” he added ; ‘thick as buzzards !" Nevertheless, all the officers on duty brought their clubs to a “« present,” and bowed submissive before these press representa- tives. On they came with measured step, and when the first one stopped in front of the Don's cell, the rest continued to ‘ mark time” carefully—on their note-books. (They intended to charge it to the office as “* expenses.") z « “* Have you anything to say 7" asked the leader, glaring in at the imprisoned knight. The captive was impressed. He looked up. “Are you a de- putation of the learned men of the country ?” he inquired. ‘*We are,” said the interviewers in chorus. “ We know more than any other class of men in the Union, for we ure reporters.” “ Alas, then,” said Don Quixote, dropping his head upon his hands, ‘how hopelessly illiterate the rest of the nation must be !"" “ Do not be discouraged,” said the first interviewer, in a voice of surpassing sweetness,“ You shall see. Have you any views? If not, I can supply you some, cheap. I have often done the same for for other distinguished men." Lowering his tones, he continued : “Don’t you talk with the other boys. If you close with me, I'll guarantee to drive ‘em all away.” “What sort of views do you deal in?" asked the prisoner. LIFE 57 ** Assorted mental photographs,” answered the reporter, pro- ducing a quantity, Don Quixote appealed to me, and I advised him to strike a bargain. He therefore paid a small sum, upon which the sable column of interviewers about-faced, with a shout of triumph, and departed to obtain a beer dividend from the leader, and write out their paragraphs. This matter being settled, the next point was to bring the illus- trious Don before the police justice. But there had not even been time toget him into court when he received a summons to go before the Senate Committee on “ corners.” Having a weak conscience, Don Quixote thought he ought to obtain a little experience of “ corners ” before stating his opinion about them. ‘* That is not at all necessary,” one of the Senators explained to him. “ But, to gratify you, we will allow you one day for preparation. Accordingly he went down to Wall Street, had a conference with some brokers, and obtained permission—as a visitor of un- usual renown—to go upon the floor of the Exchanges. He de- cided to make a corner in railroad stock, first. In the morning, just before the Board opened, he was on hand with his. winged steed Poetaster ; and, to every one’s astonishment, he proceeded to ride into the Exchange. The door-keepers told him no ani- mals were allowed on the floor. The knight wearily muttered something about bulls and bears being admitted ; and the door- keepers were so prostrated by fatigue on hearing this joke that they became powerless to oppose his intrusion. Then there occurred a thrilling episode. Don Quixote, head- ing on horseback a band of chosen brokers, rushed into the arena of speculation with loud cries, ‘Those who entered by the oppo- site door were appalled at the sight ; but before they had time to escape the hero and his followers had charged them, and cap- tured anumber of the most prominent. These they dragged into one corner—the Don carrying a couple at his saddle-bow—and there compelled them to sell large masses of stock at very low prices. ‘ This,” he announced “is what is called a forced sale.!"" His next move was to make another raid on the enemy, and oblige some of them to buy back at an enormous advance what he had just acquired. When he left the scene, the neighboring streets were strewn with the ruins of small speculators, who had been destroyed by his manceuvre. ‘* It seems cruel,” he observed, ‘‘ but they have perished ina good cause. For have I not illustrated the princi- ple of corners, and at the same time simplified their process?” Although some objection was being made to him as one of the “ big and bold European operators" whom Mr. Henry Clews QUIXOTE BEFORE THE SENATE COMMITTPR.