Judge, 1929-03-09 · page 9 of 36
Judge — March 9, 1929 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "The Low Down on the North Pole Business" This is a humorous debunking of Arctic exploration claims. The article satirizes the era's celebrated polar discoveries—likely referencing real explorers like Peary and Cook who claimed North Pole discovery around 1909, sparking controversy about who actually reached it first. The joke: Two ordinary men, Jake Dalton and Samuel Berg, supposedly discovered "nothing" at the North Pole decades earlier, yet received no credit. Their absurd journey—traveling by cow-drawn cab, surviving via socks-trading and bad puns—mocks the hardship narratives of actual polar expeditions. The satire targets the public's credulity about exploration claims and the glorification of polar discovery. By presenting an obviously fake, ridiculous expedition as equally valid, Judge suggests the "real" polar discoveries were equally dubious or meaningless. The punchline: it's all a commercial fake. The bylines ("Esquimo" Williams, "Igloo" Lichtenstein) are obvious pseudonyms, emphasizing the satire's tongue-in-cheek tone.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE The Low Down on the North Pole Business Facts by Gurney “Esquimo” Williams Fancies by George “Igloo” Lichtenstein Docron Coox is generally credited with the discovery of the North Pole, but data I thawed out of refrigerator with a) steam reveals that there is no such thing as the North Pole, It seems that Jake Dalton and 1 companion named Samuel Berg started out many years recent my hose hansom cab drawn by kine a cow, on an expedition calculated to discover the called North Pole, and that these two hardy pioneers faced count- less hardships. in but so- n, discover- ing nothing their bank a shortage in counts. "Their trip forms one of the most. griping ( Notice proofreader: O. K.) stories that has ever appeared on this page. Everything went smoothly until J: got 700 miles north of Spitzbergen—up in the ex- treme lassitudes—when Sam fell out of the cab and broke a leg. The men built a camp and as Sam suffered a great deal, Jake had to apply snow to the swollen limb every two hours, “Isn't t Berg?” he would ‘say. Sam would posh, I'm gl But that wa \ beginning of their misfor- tune. To add to their horrors the weather turned colder and the two men were in imminent danger of freezing when Jake suddenly remembered that he was from the wild and woolly west; and what with Sam’s leg knitting and all, why they soon laughed in the face of What helped, too, was the fact that they got into a heated traded socks. Two weeks later they broke camp—"We mush go on.” ay Sam put it—but Jake immediately real- ized their folly. “Now that we've bro! what are we ing to do for our next one?” “Fix this one sug- argument and n camp, go- ap.” gested Sam: they looked in their tool chest but they couldn't find a saw. Jake, however, was equal to the emer- nc, “Listen,” he said, “suppose a thug was hold- so a cop took his gun ¢ “Tm a pauper!” it over his knee and said. “Spoil the red and spare the child.’ What would we "An old saw!” delightedly little. have cried Sam “Even if it is twisted a added Jake with a leer. Well, the worked and the men moved on—to meet subterfuge their most crushing disappoint ment, When they arrived at the Top of the World they found nothi “It looks like snow said Jake. Yeah.” re turned Sam bitterly, “I know. “What's the best’ thing frost asked Jake, suddenly over come by Scotchogramitis, “Tam undie cited,” replied Sam, stricken with a “Honest, Lee, I these [sickle he proved Sam. “And PH has ever taken place at this Pole More weeks of hardship and finally Jake and Sam reached home hausted, weary, and disillu sioned, ‘There they were tendered a banquet, and dake, as leader of the expedition, was presented with a pewter cup by his friends. “Isn't that a pewtered pr he said disgustedly. Sam, on the hand, way presented with twins by his wife. a pauper!” he ried. there. revers¢ cried Sam, > first voting that other “Tm nyway, the next time anybody asks you to discover the North Pole tell him’ to go buy a camp and piteh it in the river or the Grand Canyon or someplace, and besides there snow use talking this North Pole business is all a fake, comicbooks.com