Judge, 1929-02-23 · page 11 of 36
Judge — February 23, 1929 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Debunking Our History Books This satirical piece mocks inaccurate historical accounts by presenting deliberately absurd "corrections" to American history. The article claims that the famous George Washington cherry-tree myth is false, and substitutes an equally implausible story: Washington and Anthony Wayne played golf at Valley Forge, where their arguments over a lost ball in a bunker became mythologized as the "Battle of Bunker Hill." The humor lies in treating this ridiculous golf anecdote with the same scholarly gravity as real history. The cartoons (showing Washington saying "Bygod, what a lie" and the battle scene) reinforce the satire's point: historians have so thoroughly distorted actual events that correcting one myth with an equally fantastic tale seems plausible. The piece ultimately critiques both historical inaccuracy and how easily false narratives become accepted as fact.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Debunking Our History Books Historical Work by Gurney Williams Hysterical Work by George Lichtenstein and [want to clear up at this appropriate time some of the facts concerni Washing and his) fam cannot tell al inaccuracy, of our historians is deplorable, us statement, * gainst his- “What I'd like to know,” my tailor said the other day, “is this: When are you going to pay me for that suit? Tt was while Twas delving around in the lining of an old ert and under bureaus and through keyholes for my money that I ran across seme historical data that is certainly worth passing on, if not up. The first startling fact is that the cherry tree episode of Washington's life is a myth. Wo have all been laboring under a myth apprehension, Here, according to the data I uncovered, are the true facts: In 1776, George and Anthony Wayne used to play golf every Saturday afternoon on a course that George had had built in an imitation valley known as Valley Forge. Their game was one continual scrap from start to finish because George always drove his ball into the rough on the first hole and when he went to look for it he Tories pants on the brambles and Wayne would irritate him by hurling such remarks as, “If Whig specked to t through today you musket goi ‘and all like that. In fact, their round of golf was such a battle it was known gen- erally as the Revolutionary War, which has been #rossly exaggerated by historians, no: This is the first step in the campaign torical lies. cause a bloody or two was the most that ever came of it. George was the better golfer and used to make sles regularly, copies of which now appear on y of our coins—and Anthony used to weigh JUDGE an hour had passed. “Bunker, hell,” replied Geo: oS] The battle of Bunker Hill pretty carefully his chances for winning. It got to be such a habit that he finally invented the Wayne machine, such as is now used in’ butcher shops for Wayne meat, thumbs, ete. Anyhow, in case you think I'm fooling, one day George drove his ball with a terrible slice otf the seventh tee, and both he and Wayne looked diligently in the rough for it without success. “I think it went into the bunker,” growled Wayne after who was well known for his cursory habits. “I say it did,” repeated Wayne vehemently, and both men took time out for a heated argument. This particular serimmage was afterwards called “the battle of ‘bunker, hell’,” but through typographical errors and various other mistakes on the parts of both historian and publisher, it is now known as something entirely different and entirely irrelevant. Well, George finally discovered his ball in’ the bunker after all, but it was ina terrible lie. Wayne had stalked off ahead and was waiting on the green when George's ball came flying out of the bunker and sailed fifty yards over the hole. “What's the matte yelled Wayne de risively, “can't you tell a good lie from a bad one?” “No!” snarled George. “J cannot tell a lie And he was so en raged that he broke all his wooden tees one by one, which was afterwards called “the bustin’ tee party’; but how that phrase ever got mixed up with Boston and some tea and a lot of Indians is more than J can tell. ,all this just goes to show you dall these years. It’s high time something was done about it, because it’s a what silly things cuys will think up just to get into r store print. comicbooks.com