Judge, 1928-12-22 · page 11 of 36
Judge — December 22, 1928 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Explanation for Modern Readers This page contains two satirical pieces from *Judge* magazine: **"Do Your New Year Resolving Early"** (left): A humorous article mocking New Year's resolutions and absurd self-help advice. The author consults a "Committee on Resolutions" that offers deliberately ridiculous solutions—tattooing debts on one's neck, moving to towns without police, removing teeth to stop biting officers, and amputating the telephone. The satire targets the futility of resolutions and the absurdity of contemporary advice-giving culture. **"Dog's Life"** (right): Two cartoon panels illustrating the phrase "dog's life"—meaning a miserable existence. The top panel shows a dog managing a household of bickering people and animals. The bottom panel depicts a dog being abandoned at a train station by its titled, wealthy owner (a "baroness" with a "baron" husband). The satire mocks the wealthy's casual cruelty to animals and suggests that even prestigious ownership doesn't spare dogs mistreatment. Both pieces use humor to critique contemporary American society, manners, and class behavior.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE | Mitch Ado About Nothing | DOG’S LIFE Do Your New Year Resolving Early ‘The trouble with making New Year Resolutions is that they usually made on New Year's Eve, when one has difficulty making anything but the grade. On New Year's day one can't set one’s mind on making resolu- tions because one’s mind is mak- ing too many revolutions. This year, however, we deter- mined to make ours early. So we called up the Committee on Reso- lutions. | “We want to make a few simple | resolutions,” we told it. “One of the things that bothers us is, we can't seem to remember to pay our debts, We write them on our cuffs, but we send our shirts to the laundry, and there you are.” “Don't write your debts on your cuffs,” we were advised “Of course they'll be torn off. Have them tattooed on your neck, where you'll be able to see them every morning when you shave. Whs re bad habit we must correct. We bite Policemen in the ankle.” “There are two ways to prevent Policeman-ankle-biting,” advised the Committee. “One is to move —_, D in| to a town where the Police are Lx 2Z Cats 5 iM without ankles, and the other is to have your Dentist remove your top cuspids and your lower cus- pidors. Are you satisfied with your iron shot 2” “Yes,” we lied. “But we are resolved to make longer drives.” “You probably look up,” said the Committ “No,” we ventured. “We can see the whole length of our drive without taking our eye off the | ball.” | “That's topping,” said the Committee. How's your Bridge?” “Our Bridge is rather weak,” we admitted. “What'll we do “Resolve to make an appoint- ment with your Dentist,” said the Committee, and before we could make a snappy come-back, Cen tral had cut us off and we re- solved to have our telephone am- putated. —Grorcr Mitcuens. Sally Samoyede, heiress, is back with her titled catch—the Baron Schnauzer Sur—Good-bye, darling; we must part now. I believe the train is starting | comicbooks.com