Judge — December 15, 1928 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GAGS TO RICHES Elected In Mexico it isn’t the one who gets the most votes who's elected, it’s the one who gets the fewest bullets. Live and Learn “LT bought a new car, and traded in my player piano as first payment.” “[ didn’t know they accepted player pianos as payment on new cars.” They don’t usually, but the salesman is a neighbor of mine.” She was the absent-minded pro- fessor’s daughter, but she never forgot herself. Hot Dog! “Look at that fellow; driving from one side of the road to the other. Is he drunk, or a be- inner?” frankfurter sales- alling on the trade.” man The jazz band got a lot of ap- plause cards after their broad- casti Most of them suggested that they be stuffed into their in- struments. At the Soda Fountain “This is a drug store, isn’t i “Yes, sir.” “Well, I want a malted milk and a ham sandwich, and please make up that sandwich according to my prescription. My preserip- tion is thicker bread and more meat.” Scotchmen don't smoke cork- tipped cigarettes. They de like the smell of the cork when burning. 't Getting Away With It The meanest husband in the world: He shaves in his wife's presence just so : away with mz Taking advantage of > offer a popular gift for the last-minute shopper. Can be given to young modern line or old, lady or gentle- man; as no will know exactly what it is, or what it is to be used for, one FRANK HANLEY DESIGNER. 1: “Give me a sentence with the word ‘efficient.’ ” “Well, efficient my old friend, Smith!” Uncle Harvey’s Sex Life Well, all I've got to say is that you couple of thousand 100% bed-ridden (remember, I’m out to make that crack famous) Amer- icans who are at present panting over these lines certainly deserve to be disappointed. You can’t write about anybody's sex life in Juper, you ought to know that— even Uncle Harvey's. I just used that title to get a little attention to what [have to say. What thi is really about is Uncle Harvey's domestic relations. The ASCs principal thing which trouble between Uncle Harvey and Aunt Abner is Uncle Harvey's untidiness. Aunt Abner says that he can litter up the place worse than Gloria, the Great Dane, who does not know anything about birth control (— subtle). But whenever Aunt Ab- ner says anything to him about the way he strews things a why he particular ‘ ly that stops her. he does is just shakes his Iways has: red 1 sadly and admits, “Strew! Strew!” Then there is the matter of the peas. Uncle Harvey means well and tries his best to be help- ful, and whenever he sees Aunt Abner shelling peas he alw sists on taking a ys ine y too, and then the trouble starts for fair, because he can never hang on to the darn things and keeps dropping them, gets him all wrought up ing a fuss and and then Aunt Abner gets mad too, because poor Uncle Harvey can’t hold peace, and there you are. In spite of everything, though, Uncle Harvey and Aunt Abner are really very fond of each other, ne time Aunt Abner went visiting, and Uncle Harv ist’ took on like you couldn't imagine. Practically every one in town—but as I was going to say I thought this might be an « € his ce time to write on this ject as Uncle Harvey and Aunt Abner are celebrating the anniversary of their wedding to- Jay—their “wooden” one, as Un- cle Harvey calls it, because, he says, neither of them wooden do it over again, —Jaguita comicbooks.com