Judge, 1928-12-01 · page 8 of 36
Judge — December 1, 1928 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Analysis for Modern Readers This is a humorous Dr. Seuss piece from *Judge* magazine satirizing the art of insults. Seuss proposes a fictional "Seuss Insulting Agency" offering creative ways to embarrass people—presented as superior to crude name-calling. The four methods shown are: 1. **Mistaken Identity**: Complimenting someone by comparing them unfavorably to someone else (confusing their body parts) 2. **Abashing Bald Men**: Hiring an artist to paint their portrait with exaggerated hair, embarrassing them upon reveal 3. **Aggravating Admirals**: Using a mechanical lattice device to shoot feathers up a naval officer's nose, forcing undignified retrieval 4. **Degradation by Bean Shooter**: Embarrassing politicians (whose thick skin resists direct insults) by bombarding them with beans thrown by "a colored lady"—the public humiliation making it impossible to ignore The satire mocks both elaborate revenge schemes and social hierarchies of the era. The humor relies on absurdity and the notion that "clever" insults are somehow more civilized than direct ones—a concept Seuss treats with obvious irony.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE Let Experts Do Your Insulting For You! _ hoa A. . a” by Dr. Seuss (Originator of the Seuss System It is really lamentable that we humans insult » but since it must be don ateur slur is worse than non unsatistied and the insultee is none the worse for the experience. Why resort to the obvious and outworn te of abuse when the Seuss Insulting ney ey better job? Consult the Seuss Ageney for Subtle In sults, and your enemies will Be made to writhe with uish they deserve. (Our motto: To slur is human; to slur well, divine.) Insult by Mistaken Identity In the old “See here quite fi I ays they worked it something li to a person he “You're such a mess of misproportione in't tell your ear from your elbow.” To this is old stuff.” The Seuss System gets the sam i across subtly, more pun y, as pictured Abashing the Bald Boys If you have a bald-headed aequaintanee whom you wish to take down a peg, tell him that you know of an artist who is anxious to paint him. The artist (really one of our agents) will get him to sit every for a month, Finally, with a grand s. astic flourish, he invites him inspect the results . and, behold! . . . he has pictured the man with an ove abundance of beautiful long wavy hair! It takes a good man to laugh off an insult like this. How To Aggravate Admirals Everybody has at I one admiral he Our magie latti feather attached, ean be shot up to the crow’s nest ickle the ad mir: will drop and will bh e to climb eve it ‘midst a0 Sor — Degradation by Bean Shooter ed by blunt insults. Calla ar This method is devised for the purpose of embarrassing politi cians whose hide cannot be penetr: politician a thief, and he will grin at you . . . but h him bombarded with b he will never get over i s by a colored lady earryin long as he lives.