Judge — October 13, 1928 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE IMIG Friends and countrymen, pre- pare to fall off your seats! The Playboy of Broadway, the Dean of Drinkers, the Inventor of 1001 Cocktails, the Toast of the Speakeasies, has taken the pledge! “WI you ery hoarse- ly as your handsome face pales and your copy of Jupar falls fluttering to the floor from your nerveless fingers. “It cannot be! It cannot be!” Ah, my friends, ‘tis so, ‘tis so! Henceforth this young man’s motto is to be “Lips that touch liquor shall never touch mine!" From now on this fellow is going to be a one-hun- dred-per-cent law-abiding citizen! And I will tell you why. Drinking has become entirely too com- mon, too gauche! 1, for one, am going to be differ- ent! And I intend start- ing a movement for the Obeying of the Eighteenth Amendment ! very novelty of the idea ought to make it catch on im- tely! Everybody and anybody drinks! But how many are there in this fair country of ours that never touch a dro You can count them on the stars of one bottle of brands For you daring radicals who hate to follow the humdrum routine of every- day life, here is a chance to get in on the ground floor of a movement that will make you a social suc- cess overnight! ler you. will above the As a tee- at once common herd and be looked upon as a rare in- dividual. When you enter a ng-room you will be the cynosure of all eyes and the rabble will whisper among them- selves, “There he is! He’s so dif- ferent! My dear, he never touches a drop!” What, you ask, would a man do with the long winter evenings if he didn’t drink? step Surprising as ¢ countless happy pastimes that may be in- it may seem, there « dulged in, and, besides, think of the good fun of building up your health and your bank account! And what is simpler than to sub- stitute goodies and soft drinks for vicious alcohol? Just to show how simple it really is, I will launch this movement at once and point out to the earnest seeker after the worthwhile things in life the Six Best Sundaes: [NA T= Angel Float One part vanilla. cream, one part orange sherbet, chocolate auce, walnuts, and a dash of maraschino, Maiden's Prayer Pistachio sliced ba- nanas with whipped cream, Mother L Strawberry ice-cream, salted pecans and a dash of mustard. Judge, Jr. Vanilla. cream, marsh- mallows and — whipped cream with a cherry on top. Driven Snow cream, Vanilla cream, almonds and maple syrup. The Lily One-half chocolate, one- half vanilla cream, hooker of cherry syrup, a dash of Worcestershire sauce. Notr—It is advisable for the novice not to mix his or her sundaes. This, my friends, is only a start! As the move ment for the Obeying of the Eighteenth Amend- ment grows, that we have never dreamed of will be un earthed, families will be reunited, prodigals will re turn home, erring college boys and girls will mend their ways and their own pleasures clothes, bootleggers will go back to Russia, speak casy proprietors will open ody shops, night clubs won't charge for covers. truck drivers will stop swearing, the traffic prob- lem will be solved, the millen- nium will be here! Come, Brothers! Cast away sin, put the devil behind you and join this glorious undertaking! Down with Rum, Roamin’ and Rebellion!