Judge — September 29, 1928 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE “Did the artists’ models make a personal appearance at the show?” “Oh, very —Jor Stemer, U. of Texas °29 Instructions for Freshmen Who Have Never Attended a Big Football Game In the first place, you must have a coat made from the fur of some animal, It should be at least three sizes too big for you, and leave only the whites of your eyes visible, This must be topped off with a derby, with a little flag bearing the stuck in the h matter what is indispenss ne of a college thand. It doesn’t lege, but the flag 1 must also procure yourself a quart of high grade varnish, put up in a bottle with a label on it. If you feel so inclined, get a woman. This item may be dispensed with, but it is advisable to have one, She can drink the varnish, Get to the game in the middle of the second quarter, and go in at the wrong xate, so that you will have to walk all over the stadium to find your seats which will have been appropriated by two other fel- lows. They, of course, will re- fuse to move, and you can then seat yourself in the last row di- rectly behind the goal posts. Now comes the big test of the d You must now yell advice the players, criticisms at the and anathemas at_ the It is also a good plan to count the number of steps the referee takes when he is handing referee, the opposing team a penalty. However, do not get confused and do the same thing when he gives your team a penalty. proper procedure for such an oc- casion is loud and raucous boo- i fg, interspersed with remarks like “How much are they paying you?” “Who do you think you are, Willie Plant?" “Why didn't you enter the transcontinental marathon?” You should also know the first names of all the ttaboy Ed,” or “Smear em’, Vin- Whenever the coach sends in a new man you must. shout “What's he sending that guy in Womans Srotfortine —~ Contest for?” or “It’s about time he put that fellow in!” Ay soon as your team gets possession of the ball, cry out, “How about a pass. in there?” “That big stiff’s been carrying the ball all day!" “What the h—I did you want to punt for—why didn't you let Mike try a drop-kick?” Between the halves sing a col- lege song, and go around collect- ing as many drinks as you can. At the end of the third quarter, pass out. When you come to, and find yourself on the floor of some- body else's. car, with the girl friend surprisingly absent, you can rest assured that you have at- tended the g: attended. re as it should be —Lorp Vanick, Manhattan ’29 [ExtRance P Mp Finst Fresuman—And those bums at the fraternity said there was a broadcast here today. —F. R. McFeatrens, U. of Pittsburgh '31 Pay comicbooks.com